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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to make a decision

4 replies

borndownsouth · 07/02/2022 10:30

So I'm with someone of nearly two years and the past 6-8 months or so has been rocky..... and now I have unintentionally met someone that can fulfill the needs I am currently missing.

I live on my own and recently bought a new house, I had a tradesman in to do a couple of jobs and he took a liking to me, I said I'm with someone but he said he would take me out if things don't work out. Well, we haven't been getting on for a long time, we have both been under a lot of stress and take it out on each other and we broke up before xmas for about two weeks and during this time I decided to reach out to this other guy just to take my mind off the break up. After missing my partner we decided to get back together, communicated our issues and said we would both try harder and work on it. But then it always goes back to its old ways.

He also has a thing of liking pictures of girls on instagram, girls he actually knows and they are always really sexy photos which makes me feel insecure and when I confront him, he said I'm paranoid. I don't think he would ever cheat on me but I wish he didn't feel the need to show other girls attention... He's not particularly great with my child and doesn't want to spend time with her, he doesn't like walking my dogs with me, he only sees me at weekend and said he prefers being at his own home during the week... but aside from this, he is funny, loving, intelligent, hard working, he has so many positive attributes that I look for and I know if he changed just a couple of the things that upset me, that we would be suited together. This other guy has a child of his own similar to mine, so it was a breath of fresh air seeing how good his is with kids and how he would actually want to be involved with us as a package. He also wants to see me all the time, whereas my partner only really sees me twice a week because he's too busy. I'm not a needy person but after nearly two years I need more than just a weekend hook up.

My head is so confused... I wish I never met the new guy because now I can't stop thinking about 'what if' and I'm mad at myself for giving into the temptation, but I've never met someone that has kids as well and it's opened my eyes, is this a sign or am I being an idiot.. I'm a strong believer in making a relationship work when it gets hard but what if this is just never meant to be? One of those situations where you love someone but simply can't be with them? I feel like such a terrible person and I need to sort this out now before anyone gets hurt

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 10:34

If you're in a 2 year relationship and are still communicating with this other man you need to end your relationship regardless.

There's no respect from either of you for the the other.

Any man who didn't like my child or dog would've got the boot a long time ago.

Crumbs22 · 07/02/2022 11:51

You know what you want and need in a relationship and after 2 years you have not had all of that met but he will not change. It's not about who he is, he does not meet your needs and he's made it clear what he wants to give (not enough for you) so no matter how hard you work on the relationship, it will not work the way you want and need it to be.

You don't know what the new guy will be like in a relationship, only time will tell. He may give you some of what you are looking for and not other stuff so please don't assume he is going to be any better at this stage.

You are not a terrible person. You've always had the choice to stay or leave your relationship. I don't think your bf is going to be hurt to be honest, maybe his pride but nothing more. It's ok to want more than you are being given. I know it's easy for me to say but I would end your 2 year relationship and take time out for yourself and your daughter and see how you feel.

LlamaLucy · 07/02/2022 19:06

Sorry I didn’t read it all - I got as far as ‘he likes sexy photos’. Leave him. But, the new man may it fulfil the things you’re missing, men don’t show their true colours that quickly! Don’t raise your hopes so high, but have some fun 🤩

LlamaLucy · 07/02/2022 19:07

*not

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