Experience of seperating - with a child

[kleew1]

Hello

Can anyone tell me how/if their child was impacted by splitting up and what you did to help them?

Id love to hear the positive stories to know i am doing the right thing. DS is 4 yo.

Split will be 50/50 but I am the one moving out of the home (it's not mine) so I'm also a bit worried about that.

Thanks

I take it you are the Dad and your partner and child will be staying in the family home together and you will move out to find somewhere. In which case there will be a small change to the child as they will be staying in the family home, in familiar surroundings and at 4 won't know to much going on so will grow used to the situation. You will need to work out finances and how much you will be contributing etc as well

No, I'm the mum. I'll be moving back to my property and their dad will be keeping the main property on (it is his). We will do 50/50.

My kids were 11 (son) and 9 (daughter), when me and their Dad split up. My son took it well. My daughter, however, really did not cope very well. She also didn't take well to me marrying my DH. I do feel very guilty about the impact it had.

We are now 14 years on. Son is 24, daughter is 23, and honestly no one cares. We've talked about it at length, and my daughter is really happy and seems to genuinely love my DH now, and her Dad's Partner.

I would imagine a 4 year old would take it in their stride better than an older child, tbh.

Thank you @BlondeDogLady

So ex and I split up when our 2 kids were 5 and 3, it was really difficult at first but we made an effort to get on for their sake and now we are really good friends

Kids loved it as they got 2 homes etc

I explained it to them in a language they understood, that mummy and daddy were not going to be true loves together but we will still be the same team, the same family but like Olaf and Anna and not Christian and Anna (frozen)

I said one day mummy and daddy may meet a true love but it will always be in addition to our family not replacing anyone

We now have the kids 50/50 and chat most days - really helped when the kids came on periods etc. my mum still does childcare for him and weee both super flexible with e achother

My kids were much older. Dd2 took it well and asked me why we didn't split 10 years earlier, dd1 has still not forgiven her dad though likes where I have moved to and does get on with dp, he really tries to engage but being autistic she's not easy!

My son was 2, and like you I was one to move out and into a different property while his dad stayed in the family home. We had 50/50 shared care. There was a small amount of animosity but we worked really hard at keeping that entirely hidden from our son and eventually we moved past the difficult feelings and have now co-parented successfully for 14 years.
We both eventually remarried (I had another child, his dad hasn't) and have often all got together for his birthday and even some shared family celebrations, as my ex inlaws have always felt it important to show a united front.
We've always maintained a very open attitude, so DS has felt able to talk openly about life at his dad's and vice versa. Flexibility over holidays etc
It's very possible to make this work well and while there are bound to be some emotional difficulties with your child, if you approach it the right way he will grow up feeling secure and happy.

I have 3 kids and the youngest who was 5 is by far the least affected by the split a decade later. Even though he only sees his dad EOW, he gets on really well with him unlike his older siblings.

Anecdotally the people I know most affected by their parents divorcing were adults or mid/late teens at the time.