Doesn't want a serious relationship

[PilatesPeach]

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months.
He does not want to see anyone else or have sex with anyone else and wants the same from me. He bought me an expensive birthday present (too much imo), he wants to see me maybe 3 times a week. He wants to make plans to do things in the near future, according to him he thinks I am amazing and that he is so lucky to have met me. He tells me not to give up on him (as he came out of a 20 year relationship a year ago and still feels a bit low) BUT he does not want a serious relationship with me and the thought of it makes him anxious.

Looking for opinions really - to me this seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it - now I am not in love with him or looking to move in or anything like that but I am in my 50s and do want someone who at least is open minded about a serious relationship - feels like he wants alot of time and commitment from me but to be able to turn round, guilt free, at any time in the future and call it off.

In some respects I could do casual with him but for me, that would mean no expectation he would see me every weekend and the freedom to do what I want without having to in any way explain myself to him - he went up the wall the other week when I booked a concert ticket for me and a male friend - I had asked my chap first if he wanted to come and he wasn't available

thanks

Oh god he sounds like hard work. Double standards.

Just say you are happy to see him as and when you want to but you are looking for someone who does want a committed relationship and you are not going to waste time with a flake. Sorry not sorry.

Actually a jealous, controlling flake.

I would also start turning down some weekends and keep up your friendships as well.

If he wants non committed then that applies to both of you, not just him.

I would fade away. But that's me.

Anyone who 'went up the wall' about my actions as a single woman would be given the boot.

This is a huge red flag and a big fat NO. He “went up the wall” but doesn’t want a serious relationship? I’d say you shouldn’t want a serious relationship with him!! He sounds confused and still hung up on the ex. You’re being used as a “get over my relationship” person. It’s supposed to be easy. If he was really interested it would be easy. Time to ditch and move on

and talk about double standards. Wants all your time, you not seeing other guys even friends, not having sex with other people BUT you can’t expect anything you need from him? This is why his previous relationship ended. Selfish. Stop facilitating him.

It doesn’t make sense to me. He can’t say he wants you to only see each other etc but then in the same breath say he doesn’t want a serious relationship. I couldn’t make sense of this to be honest.

thanks everyone think everyone seems to think same as me always good to get others' opinions

I guess for me the question was - IF he actually wanted a committed ‘serious’ relationship - would you want one with him?

If yes - then you could wait a bit and see if his anxiety is because of the trauma over the breaking of his relationship, etc. If he was worth it - then you could give him benefit of doubt and help him get more comfortable.

But you don’t seem to be overly excited in the way you talk about him. And you may possibly prefer something just casual with him. So - in that basis - I think this will get messy and unpleasant rather quickly.

Would you water a dead flower?