Adhd and messaging

[Toanewstart23]

Sorry me again re new adhd partner

I really like. It’s moving towards love.
But I need to understand more about adhd before I really commit.

Messaging. If you have adhd - how do you see messaging? As a chore? Don’t like it? Struggle with it? How should I communicate over messaging? Keep it simple and short?

I am a very long winded and chatty messanger by Nature and he takes an age to respond and then doesn’t answer most of my questions or comments…

@abitofashitshow I prefer a voice message on whatsapp to a long block of text! I would also prefer to send one if I had something longer to say as I get bored typing

My DD suffers with ADHD inattentive and struggles with long drawn out messages.

I do prefer to have notice, at least a week before. I have asd too so need to know what to expect!

@crosbystillsandmash

Dh has adhd. He finds messaging difficult, partly because he will read a message, become distracted and then totally forget about it!

Having said that, in the early days of our relationship he made an extra effort to reply swiftly and send lovely messages etc
I realise now that this was a huge thing for him and long term totally unsustainable but he didn't want to ruin things in the early days and to a certain extent was hiding all his 'difficulties'

I now understand him, I call rather than text if it's something that needs an immediate answer. If I text him during the day to say I love him etc, he'll reply eventually but because we've been together for a long time, the radio silence doesn't bother me in the way it would in a new relationship!

I have ADHD. He will also have found it easier in the beginning as his dopamine would have been flowing in the early stages of a relationship. Plus we love a bit of newness and novelty generally, kicks the brain into action!

I concur with the whole getting distracted and forgetting about the message altogether. That happens to me constantly. It can also take me days/weeks to respond to a message at all (presuming I haven't forgotten about it!) as I need to be "in the mood" to do any activity including messaging. My brain won't function without "interest" and takes a huge effort to try to force it, so I tend to reserve that effort for the really important stuff like work, and personal care, and tbh 50% of the time that's not successful anyhow.

Long teams of text can be difficult. I don't, for example, read the really long MN posts. I get bored half way through. It's also difficult to remember what you want to reply. So for example in a message about three or four topics I can't remember topic one by the time I get to the end so then have to keep going back to the original text to see what I'm responding to (which is a pain and time consuming) or I've just forgotten and don't respond to it at all. So best to break down into manageable chunks. This may be why he's not responding to everything in your messages.

Having said that (as you can see!!!) I am a verbose and lengthy messenger!! So when I do send a response it's likely to be lengthy lol! One of the annoying ADHD contradictions. Happens when talking too. I can waffle on for hours but can't bear someone doing the same to me - I can't focus and get v bored (Sorry everyone!).