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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He walked out

14 replies

Supernova18 · 07/02/2022 01:09

My partner walked out yesterday (his family were there, he packed a case and left). He didn’t say goodbye to his 8 week year old baby and hasn’t contacted me since. He has struggled since she was born with her crying. Yesterday I referred to me and his daughter as us (he called me a knob as we are 2 people). I then asked if he could help on a Saturday night so I got a full nights sleep (he works Monday-Saturday). He swore and asked what I did all day as I’m on maternity and basically just sit on my bum…

I am currently living at his mums as we had a house fire before the baby was born. We are in London and maternity money isn’t enough for me to rent alone (I am over the threshold for everything)

Thank you :(

OP posts:
Oxborn · 07/02/2022 01:14

You poor thing can you go to your local council? Re Housing. Was he a good partner before you had the baby?

MMmomDD · 07/02/2022 01:19

Well, most important thing is you have a place to stay with your baby.
I am guessing you and your bf are quite young and weren’t quite ready for the baby.
I doubt he will be sticking around as he clearly isn’t in the mindset of being a father. And babies are hard work.

So - you now need to put your baby and your interest first. And think about how you’ll be raising your daughter on your own. Hopefully his mom, (and yours?) can help?

Original poster
Supernova18 · 07/02/2022 04:57

Strangely he’s 38 this year! And I’m 32 :( both have careers etc. It’s just so hard especially as my mum lives in Manchester

OP posts:
JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 07/02/2022 05:18

Can you go and visit your mum? He sounds awful, how did his parents react?

Original poster
Supernova18 · 07/02/2022 08:30

His sisters and mum said they were embarrassed. No more than me having to sit there & wake up at his mums today with her

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 07/02/2022 09:56

Wow. Your post sounded like you were in your 20s.
If this was a planned baby and both of you wanted it - his behaviour may indicate a breakdown of sorts. Can happen with extreme exhaustion, etc.
If the baby was a surprise - it still means what I said before. He is clearly not ready and too selfish to do what is needed. And he will unlikely stick around. Or if he does - he’ll be resentful and unhappy/unpleasant.

Good thing you have some support for now. What is your setup - with the house and job?
Will you be able to afford childcare on your own + child support?

Frigginintheriggin · 07/02/2022 09:59

You've gone through the awfulness of a house fire, now living with mil, having a baby and discovering your partner is a knob.
You poor thing 💐
Can you go to your mums for a wee break and some tlc?
BTW your mil and sil sound lovely

Justilou1 · 07/02/2022 10:00

Can you possibly work from Manchester? Take your baby home to your Mum’s? I think you have had a baby with a manchild who didn’t handle being displaced by an ACTUAL child.

FelicityPike · 07/02/2022 10:07

Get your bags packed and get to your mums.
Terrible behaviour from him and his family.

Lockheart · 07/02/2022 10:25

@FelicityPike

Get your bags packed and get to your mums. Terrible behaviour from him and his family.
What did his family do??

OP - I think losing your home and possessions to a fire, having to live with parents, a new baby, and a 6-day working week would push anyone to their limits. You've both really been through the wringer. It sounds like he's not coping but he's not dealing with it in an appropriate way. Has anyone from the family been able to contact him?

I think you need to arrange to move out if you can. You need to be able to take some space away from him, which you'll never get living at his parents. I know how expensive London can be! Is moving further out an option? I appreciate you have a career which is going to tie you somewhat in terms of location.

Bananarama21 · 07/02/2022 10:28

I'd go back to your mums in this situation.

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 10:39

What's his mom like? Would she let you stay if he's gone?

FelicityPike · 07/02/2022 18:27

@Lockheart His family sat there and watched him walk out on her and the baby!
(She didn’t say that they had lost everything in the fire btw)

Original poster
Supernova18 · 07/02/2022 21:44

It’s honestly the worst time of my life

OP posts:
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