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Original poster

Men!

13 replies

Justwildabout · 06/02/2022 23:12

Im led here feeling ridiculous.
Im separated and had a FWB and it was all going well,great sex,got on really well etc etc

Things have started to develop more and he and i both said we didn’t want anything more that something casual ever again but as the months have gone on we’ve become closer and closer.
When we first got talking I actually mentioned I fancied a friend of his (this is relevant) and I never expected any feelings to develop (between me and FWB)
Well they have ,and this weekend he told me he is falling in love with me and to be honest I feel like I’m heading that way too.This is when I get confused,he has now started acting all strange and is saying that things may not ever develop into a relationship because of what I said about his friend.
I said that’s fine that’s not what I want ,and maybe if his feelings are that strong and he doesn’t want it then maybe we should cut off.
He insists he doesn’t want this and now says this may be something he can get over.Im confused over all this.Firstly we were just chatting when I mentioned his friend and secondly I never asked him if he had feelings he told me and declared then for me.
I guess what I’m asking is what on earth he’s playing at and if you think this is going to end badly.
Sorry to witter on.

OP posts:
MeSanniesareBrannies · 06/02/2022 23:23

He sounds like a tit and this whole setup seems messy. Either he wants to be with you, or he doesn’t. Based on the stupidly lame excuse, it appears to be the latter.

You have agency. It’s not all up to him. What do you want? If you’re after a relationship with him and he’s not enthusiastically reciprocating that desire, then you should walk away.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2022 23:26

It all sounds absurd. Make your life easier, not harder.

GreyCarpet · 07/02/2022 04:54

It sounds like he's finding it hard because when you were fwb, you expressed that you had feelings for his friend.

You are now getting closer and he would like to consider a relationship with you but he knows something he'd rather not know about you or rather he would rather not be true.

He doesn't want to start a relationship with someone who also has feelings for a friend of his.

I don't think he is being a tit. I think most people would have to think things through.

He probably doesn't want to start a relationship with you only to find that he has to end it because he's not happy with the fact.

I think most women would have issues knowing that a potential new boyfriend has long held feelings for a friend of theirs too. A bit of a second place, would have been with the other person if they could situation.

Lemonweightloss · 07/02/2022 05:28

Did you say you had feelings for his friend or just fancied him ? There's a difference.
I've been with my dh for over 30 years. The other day I commented that his colleague was a good looking man. It's a fact ! My dh didn't throw a tantrum. He doesn't think I'm going to have a full blown affair with said colleague.
As a pp said, it sounds rather absurd. I'd move on.

GreyCarpet · 07/02/2022 05:34

When we first got talking I actually mentioned I fancied a friend of his (this is relevant) and I never expected any feelings to develop (between me and FWB)

Would you have told him this if you had thought feelings between you both might have developed?

Original poster
Justwildabout · 07/02/2022 05:52

@GreyCarpet I didn't say I had feelings for his friend I mentioned that he was attractive.That's it,'.
The thing is I don't want a relationship at the moment ,he wants to carry on and is now overly attentive and is worried he's spoiled things but for me now it's an underlying worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwildabout · 07/02/2022 05:53

@GreyCarpet no I wouldn't of but at the time we were just friends.
I already know this man ,his parents know mine ,they live near each other.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 07/02/2022 06:00

[quote Justwildabout]@GreyCarpet no I wouldn't of but at the time we were just friends.
I already know this man ,his parents know mine ,they live near each other.[/quote]
So why wouldn't you have told him?

Because that's the same reason he's struggling with it now.

And saying someone is good looking is different to saying you fancy them.

I told my bf that I think his 22 year old son is a good looking lad. Doesn't mean I fancy him though!

historygeek · 07/02/2022 06:56

I think he wants you to prove yourself to him. If you develop a relationship with this man you will forever be justifying your feelings and having to show that you love him and his friend means nothing to you.

CBA

Original poster
Justwildabout · 07/02/2022 07:58

@historygeek the exact feeling I got.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 07/02/2022 08:06

@historygeek

I think he wants you to prove yourself to him. If you develop a relationship with this man you will forever be justifying your feelings and having to show that you love him and his friend means nothing to you.

CBA

Tbh, I can understand his feelings but I also suspect this would become the situation and you don't need that.
FlapsInTheWind · 07/02/2022 08:12

He's trying to make you feel bad for what you said about his friend instead of laughing it off.

I guess it depends on how deep your feelings have become for him now but don't start reassuring him and minimising what you said whatever you do.

Original poster
Justwildabout · 07/02/2022 12:39

I won't @FlapsInTheWind it was a fleeting comment
If he likes me that much he can get over it if not- his loss

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