When it's not your decision

[itsoveritshard]

DH is in the process of moving his stuff out and I'm absolutely gutted.
We had a very brief split back in September for just under 2 weeks and agreed he'd come back and we'd try to make things work. Sadly his decision has been made today and he's going. I'm devastated and cannot imagine him not being here and not seeing him everyday hearing him pack is killing me.
There's been no big blow up, just slowly growing apart due to lack of quality time together and now he's miserable and can't stay in our marriage.
On paper it's a nice easy split with no DC but I'm heartbroken and this is absolutely not what I want for us.

Sending a virtual hug op

I’m so sorry. That must be heartbreaking for you.

The only comfort I can offer is that if it’s meant to be, this is the best way for him to realise what living without you looks like and to come to his senses.

But don’t bank on it. Grieve your loss and then start to rebuild your life so that any man is a welcome addition to it, but that you are happy alone. It’s devastating to lose a relationship that you still cherish.

After he left in September for the short period I really thought it would be ok but sadly things slipped back to the stagnant norm after only a few weeks. He's done and I can't /won't try to change his mind. Being us makes him miserable and I don't want that for him, he's a genuinely nice person who is well thought of by pretty much everyone he meets.

I think my family would disown me if I took him back now, despite them loving him like a son, he's hurt me badly twice now and they're far angrier than I am at the moment.

It's just such a shit situation to be in and to feel it's completely out of my control.

for you

I'm really sorry, lean on your family, they have your best interests at heart by the sounds of it.

I'm sorry to hear this op. You sound like a lovely and selfless person. It does hurt but you will get over it and in time you can start looking at meeting someone else.

Thank you for the lovely comments,
Unfortunately i'm definitely not a lovely or selfless person. Both H and I have been pretty selfish over the years and this is the end result. We've definitely taken each other and our life together for granted and forgotten that relationships take work to make them last.

Just one night of not having him in the house has been torture and not knowing he's ok is awful. I've had to sit on my hands more than once to stop me phoning/texting and begging him to come back. I've no idea how I'm going to get through work later this afternoon. I wish life had a rewind button and I could go back to make changes so this isn't where we ended up

That sounds really devastating
Can you explain a bit more why he doesn't think it will work? In your posts you recognise that relationships need to be worked at. What is the insurmountable hurdle as far as he is concerned?

Our careers mean we both work shifts and as a result don't have a lot of free time together. We slipped into our own routines and just took each other for granted. We have both known for a while that it wasn't a healthy relationship but we didn't talk to each other until it was essentially too late and his feelings were too far gone to come back from.
He may be feeding me a line and there's something else going in but he assures me that's not the case and he's never lied to me before (that I'm aware of) so I can only take his word for that.

He just doesn't see us working as a couple and although he says he loves me it's purely platonic for him.

is there another woman waiting in the wings?!

is there another woman waiting in the wings?

And we're off

@SunflowerTed he assured me there's not and I don't have any reason to disbelieve that.

If it's a lie he knows I will find out fairly easily thanks to a cross over in our jobs.
I sincerely hope he's telling the truth.

[quote itsoveritshard]@SunflowerTed he assured me there's not and I don't have any reason to disbelieve that.

If it's a lie he knows I will find out fairly easily thanks to a cross over in our jobs.
I sincerely hope he's telling the truth. [/quote]
I really hope not x

Me too. Although in time it might make it make sense but I can only take his word for it at the moment and he is adamant it's not because of anyone else it's just we've grown apart and it's irretrievable for him