Is it a good idea to inform family friends about someone's serious illness in a group email? If so, would someone please help me out with the wording?

[Antst]

My mother called to say she has terminal cancer a couple of days ago.

She is overseas and it is not possible for me to be there because of Covid restrictions. So I can't visit her friends to let them know what's going on and have no idea what their phone numbers are now. Another complication is that I had not spoken with her for several years because of an unpleasant family history. My father was extremely violent and she did nothing about it. She was too a few times. My sibling could do no wrong and had a very different experience. I don't understand it except that families sometimes have a scapegoat and maybe that's me. Many of her friends and most of her family members think I'm the worst for having left her.

I'm trying to do what I can to help her. She wasn't a great parent, but I am not sure I could live with myself later on if I left her to suffer. So I have set up home care and will call every day. I'm dealing with medical staff regarding her care.

I asked her if there's anyone she wants me to contact and spent this morning getting yelled at by her relatives as a result. She said she would like her friends to know and we're wondering if a group email would be appropriate.

I have no idea if that is considered tacky or inappropriate and don't want to do anything that would invite nastiness from anyone who is unhappy I'm not there or judgement on my mother when she is so vulnerable. Does anyone with good social skills have any thoughts on this. If it would be a good idea, can anyone suggest a dignified thing to say?

Hi, sorry to hear what you are going through. Are her friends all friends of each other? Could you contact one person and ask them to info everyone else?

@purplecorkheart, thanks for that suggestion. Unfortunately, I think many of them don't know each other.

Are you saying that you think it would be best to contact people individually?

you can email them all and bcc them so its not a group email as such. then its really no different to sending the same email to each person

(bar a group one would start Hi and you could say Dear Sarah in an individual one)

The friends are in the country where she lives?

@ChickenStripper, yes, I think most of the friends are where she lives and I don't know most of them either well or at all. I have told family members where I am already.

@burnoutbabe, so it sounds like it would be reasonable to send an email like that about if I used bcc. Thanks.

My friend was diagnosed as terminal seven month ago and did it as a group WhatsApp which worked really well.

He basically said that he wanted the people who were most important to him to know before rumours started and the information started to leak out. He gave a brief history/timeline as to what happened and when. As a result he's been in full control of the situation which has been excellent for him. He's eight months into to his seven month expectancy so we're keeping everything crossed.

My best wishes to you.

Ask your sibling to do this task they can do no wrong
Explain to your mother that you think it would be better coming from them if asked.

Honestly just deflect the things needed to be done. You will only get yelled at.

@Mo1911, thank you. It's great to hear that you encountered this and it seemed like a good approach. I'd usually be telling people what's reasonable to so, but I just don't have any clue here. Appreciate it.

@frozendaisy, I would like my sibling to take care of this, but we're not in contact. He got married and I don't think he wanted me around to challenge anything he said about his background. He used to get into trouble as a teen, for example. I have also heard he tells her my situation and his were reversed and I can't deal with that. It's a sad situation. Anyway, I'm fine with doing it; it makes me feel less guilty about not being there, etc.

[quote Antst]@ChickenStripper, yes, I think most of the friends are where she lives and I don't know most of them either well or at all. I have told family members where I am already.[/quote]
In that case I would say that the responsibility belongs to the family there.