HELP! I’m in a great relationship BUT…

[Helpagirl0ut]

So long story short, I’ve been with a wonderful man for 6 months. Our relationship is perfect. But (and okay, this is kindof a big but)… he is caring for his sick mother. She lives with him and is sweet as could be (her and I actually get along great). I also love that he takes care of her and am in no way suggesting he stop. However, it puts a damper in our intimacy… more so on his end. I don’t mind waiting until he come visit me at my place, but he’ll make moves at his and I’m just way too uncomfortable knowing his mother is on the other side of the wall. This in turn leaves him feeling “rejected” like I turned him down and then creates a very awkward mood which sets the tone for the remainder of my time with him. We’ve had talks about it where he claims he understands and apologizes about the situation, but then it happens the very next time I’m over… it’s to the point where I don’t want to go over. I don’t even know if there is an answer to this or an appropriate way to talk about it. Or a way I can handle the situation better, but I’m up to hear any and all feedback. Thanks!

How often do you meet at his house and your house?

He's BU. It's totally understandable how you feel in this situation, he should be respectful of your feelings and not keep trying it on. The lack of taking notice of your wishes would concern me, and his moods. Not reasonable behaviour.

Good point. The only amount of pressure for sex, and that includes sulking and being awkward when a partner says no, is none at all.

I've been there and I would never again go near anyone who pressured me for sex.

You've made your position very plain. Communicate it again the next time you see him. Don't wait until you are in the intimate situation. Tell him you'd like to discuss something, then re-state it in the cold light of day.

Regardless of who he was with in a relationship, this situation would put restrictions on his love life so

Tell him of your concerns, if he doesn't respect your wishes and chooses to sulk then leave him to it to find someone who doesn't mind chugging away in earshot of his mother.

You are not unreasonable.

This would put me off him altogether. Sulking because someone won't have sex with you is childish, entitled, unattractive and -worst- coercive.

Does he honestly think that being in a mood will make you more up for sex?!

You've already told him you don't want to have sex at his place, so he sets you up for this disagreement every time he makes a move.

An immediate resolution for this would be to say you don't like who he becomes when you have to (re) tell him that you don't want to have sex when his mum is in the next room, so you won't be staying there again. You won't stay there until he guarantees he will respect your 'no' like a grown up.

But I would also suggest re-thinking the relationship. He is showing you that he doesn't care what you've told him, he's going to try to guilt-trip you every time, then punish you with a mood when you say no. Even though it's him that's created the situation. That level of sulking / childishness would put me off him for good.

I would feel the exact same to be honest. Does you go out on dates as this is important and do stuff instead of just going to each other's houses. Seems like he has gotten lazy and for him to get annoyed because you won't have sex with him would put me off sex with him altogether. Is he still putting effort into the relationship? Talk to him outside of the bedroom and tell him firmly but calmly that you do not want to have sex with is mum in room next door and do not put yourself in a situation that you are pressured. He sounds very entitled and that in itself would put me right off.