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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you do?

8 replies

Cam2020 · 06/02/2022 14:15

I'll preface by stating that I am neither party in this scenario, but am indirectly affected and want some outside perspective.

Imagine you have an adult child that has has developed a serious health condition that will severely limit their life expectancy and over the last few years, has already severely limited their day to day life to the extent they need a lot of care.

Complications caused of their condition could kill them tomorrow, alternatively they could live another five years or so. What would you do in this situation:

During a lengthy hospital stay, the adult DC in question became extremely stressed/distressed and needed their family to advocate for them and felt extremely let down by them when they didn't and and was upset by their attitude, which they felt was put and shut up. The parents refuted this. As a result, the adult child erupted into a tirade, culminating in going NC.

If you were the parent, after a matter of weeks had passed, would you try to resolve things (maybe send a Christmas card or letter as a non inflammatory way of making contact) or would you hold your DC to their word and leave them to it?

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 06/02/2022 15:24

I’d forgive my child. I’d reach out.

HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 15:26

I would forgive my child easily in that situation and I would put it all down to immense stress.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/02/2022 15:26

The parents sound like monsters tbh.

Cam2020 · 06/02/2022 15:33

Thank you. That's also what I think but given I detest these people because of past poor behaviour, I don't feel like I can trust my own judgement sometimes!

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 06/02/2022 15:33

Illness makes people behave very strangely, especially when in hospital and terrified.

Of course I would forgive my child, it wouldn't have got to the stage where I took notice to be shunted away.

This is not a time for pride to get in the way.

HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 15:45

Are you the child, OP?

pog100 · 06/02/2022 15:56

She said "I am neither party but indirectly affected", so I think that's a no @HollowTalk

Cam2020 · 06/02/2022 16:09

No, I'm not, my DP is. Their behaviour hasn't surprised me in the slightest, however it's really shocked him. I have already been NC because of their horrible behaviour for a few years. DP has acknowledged their poor behaviour and respected my decision but had hitherto made excuses for them.

OP posts:
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