Would be interested to get some perspective on this one

[Needtomoveon21]

So I was seeing a guy for 2 months which ended about a month ago, he wasn’t over his divorce and being cheated on in March last year (so very recent) and in hindsight there was future faking etc going on. So basically he says he’s not ready and needs time on his own. Completely devestated by it because he initiated lots of things such as going official on Facebook and saying he loved me on New Year’s Eve (then ends things just over a week later, I didn’t say it back or anything because for me it was too soon). Then his ex gets in contact again even though she is still with the guy she cheated with. After that he went weird and and broke things off saying he needs time and wasn’t ready etc. That’s the jist of it.

I’ve been no contact for a number of weeks now and feeling almost back to my old self, I’ve learnt a lot from it and realised he’s not the person he portrays himself to be. However I’ve recently discovered he has already moved on to talking to someone else, which doesn’t make sense because of him telling me he’s not ready, and I really believe he isn’t because he still has issues from the divorce. Why do men move straight on to someone else when they have unresolved issues?

Also he randomly reached out to me last night saying that he hopes my dog is recovering, because she had to have emergency surgery a week ago and I put something on social media about it, but that was about a week ago now I made that post. He still follows me on social media although I’m no contact with him. Another thing I don’t get is why they randomly reach out during no contact after a number of weeks? Last time I spoke to him before that I made it quite clear I didn’t want to speak to him.

I’m doing much better but his behaviour has annoyed me so just want to try and get some perspective?

This man is all over the place and whatever his issues are, you're not responsible for them or any of the fall out. He is just not worth it so block him everywhere. You and your peace of mind are much, much more important than him. Consider yourself lucky to find out when you did what he is and move on.

I was about to say exactly what @Crumbs22 said. Chalk it up to experience and move on - he's not worth any more of your time/mental energy

Ah I've had guys like this.

Got the same excuse too...fresh out of divorce, so confused etc

Partly true. They are all over the place post divorce and that's why they mess with any woman they meet in that period. Hes not ready... either for you or for a relationship full stop. Either way, headfuck

Ps. He will randomly contact you again. Hes checking that you'll still respond. Dont.

There's no point wasting your energy trying to work his actions out. Just forget about him. He's clearly not ready for a relationship weather he gets in one with someone else or not. He sounds implusive, selfish and lacking of self awareness. Move on!!

He sounds in a mess like pp said. He's not in a position to be in a relationship by the sounds of it. Sounds as if it's more about his neediness. I expect he did like you but knows he's not ready. Why he moved on with someone else is probably more to do with his loneliness or just wanting sex or something. You sound very together and you have done well to move on.

Hope your dog makes a good recovery

He's trying to keep you interested to prop up his ego. Block him on everything. He's not worth your time or effort. Whilst he's still able to contact you, he's zapping all your energy that should be used on you making yourself feel fabulous. Mr Wrong is out...Mr Right could be just around the corner.

Well done for doing your best to move on from a confusing and hurtful break up. As hard as it is, I would block him and move on.

No good can come of keeping in contact with this person.

For the first two weeks I had it in my head that he would come back if I gave him time and space but I’ve now realised I don’t want him back despite feeling we had a great connection etc because certain things have made me realise that’s who he portrayed himself to be and not who he really is.

Problem is if I block him now I don’t want him to feel like I’m still bothered. The only thing that bothers me is the fact he’s said he’s not ready only to move straight on to someone else potentially to do the same thing to her.

I did respond after a few hours by saying “thanks” very bluntly and he read it and didn’t reply. More just out of curiosity to see if he was going to say anything else but in future I’m just not going to reply. Just thought it was very odd and out of the blue as I had put the post up about my dog nearly a week before he messaged. I don’t get why men do this? Very very strange.

Chalk to up to experiencing a love bombing liar.

Delete and block him.

There's no reason to talk to him.

i Agree it's best block this man and give him not another moment's thought, although I do suspect, as his wife ran off with another man, his ego took a massive knock as well as his heart having broke. Thus, he's not at all ready to commit to another woman but IS still very capable of using women to boost his flattened ego. She cuckolded him so now he wants to show himself he's a bird-magnet! He might have been throwing a baited hook to you with that text, to see if you'd respond in a way that he could feel that he could have you back any time he wanted! Pathetic as well as selfish, eh? He's not worth another thought OP! All the best to you!

”Why do men move straight on to someone else when they have unresolved issues?”

Because they have to prove to themselves they’ve still “got it”.

”Another thing I don’t get is why they randomly reach out during no contact after a number of weeks?”

Because they have to prove to themselves they’ve still “got it”.

His head’s all over the place since his divorce, which has dented his ego. Rather than him spending some time processing the aftermath of the divorce he’s going out chasing/getting laid to boost his flagging ego.

It just annoys me because in my last conversation with him a few weeks ago I told him he needed to take the time out properly otherwise he could end up hurting someone else. I also told him to basically leave me and let me heal in the same conversation. Obviously he didn’t really listen but I’ve come on a lot since then.

Honestly, even without the issues he says he has. It all seemed very full on and rushed to the point there were potential red flags of love bombing before the ex issues were even highlighted.
I'd say you're well rid.

Also in the same conversation a few weeks ago, he turned round and said their had been “something missing” even though through dating he had seemed so genuine about his feelings, doing things with me, meeting my friends on nye as well as the above so basically very much led me on. I think that was also the turning point to force me to get over him because that made me so angry.