MIL one

[ughstress]

I need advice.

MIL has really told us she's facing eviction from her home. She's in rent arrears and simply can't afford it however the problem is she has a very expensive hobby and chooses to spend on that rather than her bills. It's one or the other and she chooses the latter.

For context we've been here before this isn't the first time she's been evicted and that caused us a lot of stress as a family. We thought this would never happen again. Stupidly.

Would the council house her if she's in arrears? She's trying to pay it off but it's a lot of money she does not have. my husband does not want her with us and neither do I, we have a young family (youngest dc is still a baby!) and just don't have the space neither do we have the means to pay the arrears.
I'm silently raging as I don't understand why she'd risk her home again. The trouble is she can't move to a less expensive house as the rents have risen and her current place is cheaper.

Please help. I've had nightmares about this.

Why are you worrying about this?

Has she asked you to pay off her arrears or house her?

She’s done this before and landed on her feet enough to do it again.

“Oh that’s a shame MIL, if only you’d prioritise your rent instead of your hobby.
No we can’t help”

Rinse and repeat.

Basic advice - step back. This is not your direct problem. This is a grown adult who has history for making bad choices with her money and now the chickens are coming home to roost.

The council won't re-house if she's evicted and she'll still be liable for the arrears.

If she's a single person, she can rent a smaller property - she doesn't need a house - a flat, flat share.

What ever you do - don't bail her out. She's an adult and she's made bad choice and has a history of doing so. There will be local insolvency advice services - put her in touch with one of those. If her hobby requires equipment / live stock - she can sell something.

If you bail her out, she'll never learn.

I say again - back away. You've obviously tried to help in the past and she didn't learn. Drop the rope

Is the hobby gambling or something? Shopping addiction? People don't tend to become homeless over a hobby.

It's tough, it sounds like she needs psychological help in addition to housing.

I know people will say it's not your problem, and technically I agree, but in reality I don't know anyone who would actually stand by while their mil became homeless.

I can't bail her out. We don't have the funds to do so.
She hasn't asked us to help money wise but it's becoming evidently clear she's struggling as she loans money off us (not much as I just can't do that!) and doesn't repay. We have refused as well.
I can't say what it is as I don't want to out myself as I love her and this would hurt her if she saw it but at the same time I'm sick of it being on my shoulders.
A flat would actually be more expensive than what she currently pays - it's ridiculous.

She put her hobby before paying the rent?!! And not for the first time either? My God, what a stupid woman. I’m interested to know what the hobby is. Is it an addictive one or something? Anyhow no the council won’t house her and I’d try and block it out of my mind and leave her to sort her own mess if I were you. She IS a grown woman after all who has already fucked up once, so deserves no help nor sympathy as far as I can tell.

Step back. It really isn't your worry. She needs to face facts. She is choosing a hobby over a home. If things need to be dire before that changes leaving her to it is the only way. Bail her out now and it's forever your problem.

She’s going to have to find a room to rent in a shared house, and seek out some debt advice services.

Stop being her fallback plan.

My husband does not want her with us ...

Thank god for that; I thought this was going to be another "DH says we have to help" thread

Agree with everyone else that this simply isn't your problem, but out of interest how did she get back on her feet last time? It's really not clear how much you've done for her financially, so I wondered if you helped out back then?

This isn't your problem. If she can't pay her rent because she's prioritising spending money on an expensive hobby then she's daft. And she knows this can happen because it's happened before.

There's nothing you can do. Absolutely do not let her move in with you.

What is she expecting you to do about the situation?

Sorry but you need to let her sort this herself. She's a grown arse women with terrible priorities.
Don't let her move in with you and don't offer to help her financially.
She got herself in to the mess she needs to get herself out of it! X

Her hobby isn't horses is it? This seems vaguely familiar. If it is the same op, I think the advice back then was she needs to face the consequences and do not facilitate or enable her selfish behaviour. Hope after all this time I'm wrong

She could probably get b&b or a hostel, if she's on the council's housing list. Or she could look for a room in a house share. She'd have to make sure she pays the rent though!

Being that your MIL has already been evicted before for rent arrears while prioritising her hobby, she needs to work this second time around eviction in her own. Don’t loan her money as you’d only be enabling this behaviour. She needs to find something that she’s willing to pay for and clearly another flat isn't that as she’s continued her poor money management skills. Suggest she finds a room as a lodger. And to speak to shelter.

Has she got a housing officer that she can speak to an can arrange paying off arrears on a regular basis, eve n if it is 10 per week? If she has an expensive hobby she needs to stop it right away. Is she on benefits? Was she keeping the rent rather than having it paid straight to the council?

I bet she goes on cruises.