Friend's constant showing off

[TobyandJan]

Nc for this. Not sure if there's anything I can do but thought it might help to vent. I have a very long term friend (of 25 plus years) but I've noticed recently that our interactions always seem to involve her showing off about this or that. Mostly we text because she lives some distance away. It seems to have got worse recently, since she moved somewhere which is the best place you could ever live with the most wonderful community and so on. She'll tell me what she's having done on her house, where she's been on wonderful days out or mini breaks, how great and well paid her job is, how she's got a fabulous new car and how much it costs, things like that.

I'm finding that since I noticed her doing it, I can see that almost every interaction we have is like this. It feels grating at the moment because I've got one or two problems in my own life. Anyone else experienced this? I don't know how to make this better.

If it was my friend acting like this, I’d pick up the phone and ascertain exactly how unhappy she was in real life. Sounds to me like she’s making up for something.

Thanks BuddhaAtSea maybe I will try a phone call. It could be that she's unhappy deep down but I'm not sure she would tell me. It makes me sad, because I'm not trying to compete with her I just want to be friends.

It could be to do with that I have (nearly grown up) dcs and she doesn't. I think she did want them but her dh didn't.

Maybe she’s not “showing off” at all. Maybe she’s sharing her life with you and you’re unable to feel happy for her?

Maybe she’s not “showing off” at all. Maybe she’s sharing her life with you and you’re unable to feel happy for her?

But I've got other friends who for instance are very wealthy or successful or whatever and they don't do this, as they tend to share their lives in a more realistic way. Everyone's life is good and bad isn't it, not all perfect.

We can't change people so you'll have to decide whether you can put up with this behaviour (maybe on a low contact basis) or let the friendship fizzle out.

I have a super competitive frenemy who is forever bigging herself up, I'm quite low contact with her nowadays as every interaction grates. I sometimes feel a bit sorry for her that she feels the need to brag - and there is a difference between sharing the details of your life and flat out bragging.

I thinking you're being unreasonable. She's clearly just sharing her life with you, would you prefer it if she didn't?

I'd be happy for my friend if they were telling me this. No one should feel they can't share positive stuff with their friend.

Do you share anything back? Or perhaps you don't have anything nice to share with her?

I think people have different priorities or different things that make them happy - I too have got/had friends who seem to want to tell me how great their exuberant life is when really I’m challenged with the ironing basket 😂 - what are you getting out of this friendship? If it’s not a lot, I’d it even a friendship or just a boasting interaction?

Thanks for all the different perspectives and replies. I do have a mix of good and not so good things in my life. Tbh I wouldn't say for example my house is worth x or I've just bought y, that's not really the type of thing I would share. If I was on holiday I wouldn't send photos and boast about it. So maybe it's just different ways of interacting, and the replies on here show this I guess.

Since I've noticed she does it, every interaction just is her showing off about something or other. I feel like it creates a barrier and also that it's competitive.

We can't change people so you'll have to decide whether you can put up with this behaviour (maybe on a low contact basis) or let the friendship fizzle out

It would be a shame after so many years to let it fizzle out, so I'll probably just go low contact. At the moment I don't really get much out of the friendship tbh.

I’d it even a friendship or just a boasting interaction?

That's exactly it Notmrsfitz I do wonder. Lately it has felt like I'm just someone she boasts to or that she's trying to make me jealous of her life, which I'm not. I do feel like I'm just there to be an 'audience'.

Sorry, but when I go on holiday I send my girlfriends Instagramable photos white the caption ’this is unbelievable shit!’ or ‘had enough of this, wish I was queuing at Tesco’s on a Saturday lunchtime’
We have parties to ‘christen’ new kitchens or carpets. None of us think this is bragging, we celebrate each other and we gather round when the chips are down.
Maybe you’re not exactly friends, but more acquaintances?

Buddha but maybe you do it in a different way? You obviously know that some people do brag obnoxiously, and it sounds like the OP’s friend is stuck in superficial bragging mode with nothing else offered. You and your friends sound celebratory and fun about these things but the OP’s friend sounds different to that.

@AtrociousCircumstance you’re absolutely right. What I was trying to say is that she’s not really a friend friend, sounds more like an acquaintance :)

Ah right Well I got the impression from the OP that she was a proper friend whose behaviour has changed, which is tricky. Maybe on the way to acquaintanceship!

Thanks both, maybe you have hit the nail on the head here. It does seem to have moved from a friendship into an acquaintanceship! Perhaps where we have both changed where we've got older. It feels old to me boasting about double glazing and new cars etc. We've stopped having a laugh I think, whereas BuddhaAtSea what you said about gathering round when the chips are down, that's different, it's more of a fun and solid friendship.

Maybe I just have to see it for what it is, be acquaintances and leave it at that. This thread has really helped to think things over, I'm grateful.

It’s a shame OP. But accepting it and letting it drift sounds the best way.