Can't get sex life/intimacy back on track

[Creamegg84]

I feel like my marriage is doomed and I don't want it to be. We make a good team and get on well in all other aspects.
We have been together for 20 years. We have 2 children under 10.
We always had a good sex life, even after all these years. But then we had a rough patch last year where we didn't have sex. We nearly separated due to many reasons but we had a huge heart to heart, sorted it all out and both said we 100% want to be together. Neither has ever cheated as far as I know.
Initially we got right back on track and we were like teenagers again. Wonderfully happy and he said he was too. But within a few weeks it's stopped again. How do I prevent this from happening over and over?
What happens is we are great, then one of us will get ill so that puts a stop on things, then they don't start up again. Or he was in a car accident and was slightly injured, had to have 2 months of work. Because of this no sex again but then it just continues.
The last time we had sex was the 10th October. It seems so easy to fall in the rut of having no sex. But then resentment starts building up in me and it starts to affect other areas of our lives because I start to withdraw myself from him and this is what happened last year. I don't want it to happen again.

How about scheduling a 'date night' - I know some people might find the lack of spontaneity off-putting but I find it the opposite as I enjoy the build up and looking forward to getting down n dirty.

That's what we have been doing. Our last date night was 10th October. We had planned for once a month. My parents won't have the kids any more than that.
But then illnesses, accidents and Xmas prevented us from going out again. We all currently have covid so that's another thing. It's one thing after the other

It won’t work like when you were young, you have to schedule it. Spontaneity is for teens.

A whole night when your parents take the kids is great, but that’s not going to do it alone. You can manage quite a bit w/out babysitters (stick them in front of the telly, or send them to scouts or whatever).

Figure out when’s easiest to have sex once a week and stick it in the diary. And also a home date night once a week where you watch a film or eat and MnS meal w wine etc - the point of this is to connect, rather than have sex, but fine if you do get it on obvs.

It might feel a bit awkward to start but it will come back. Honestly it’s the only way

I feel exactly the same, we came close to separating last year, due to lack of sex and other things, we had a long talk over Christmas period and have both decided to try harder, so we have done it once this year, but we are trying to be better to each other.

10th October? Our last time was April 2019! My OH just isn't interested and she won't see a GP to try to understand why. I do feel your pain. I hope you manage to work through it as there's no hope for me.

Can I suggest afternoon delight?

Essentially sneak in any time where you have a free half hour for sex. When the kids are at clubs/on a play date/ engrossed in a film etc.

It doesn't need to be nighttime or the bedroom, if the two of you are home and have some free time don't put Netflix on or do chores, make out like teenagers again (preferably behind a lockable door).

Kids are complete cock-blockers, just like your parents were when you were young, but you still found ways to get around that (no doubt) so do the same now.

Lol yes kids definitely are!

We have plenty of time to actually do it. He works from home almost 24/7 so is here alot.
It's just we aren't sexual with each other, there's no flirting or romance or anything like that. Sex just doesn't seem to enter his head! He's told me before he doesn't watch porn or masterbate either. I'm wondering if he might be asexual. If asked him lots of times if there's a problem and he says no!