Overthinking - respecting my wishes or being an arsehole?

[donesomethingterrible]

Some of you may recognise from a previous thread and will no doubt tell me to get a grip if so!

I cannot get this out of my head and would appreciate some brutally honest opinions, I am trying so hard but struggling so badly to move on.

Short version - my marriage is on the rocks, old flame begins messaging out of the blue 3 months ago. Messages turned from friendly to flirtatious and eventually led to a very brief meet up a couple of weeks back.

I am married with child, he has a baby with his gf.

We both said we felt guilty afterwards. I messaged him the next morning to say I needed some time to think and that I felt my DH was trying harder in the marriage. He replied to say give it a chance to work out with DH and sorry to have messed with my head.

I have not heard a single thing since. Not even any FB likes which he always does.
I know it was completely wrong and I should have completely blocked him. I know now after almost 3 weeks that I'll never hear from him again.

I feel that he has just been an absolute prick and is done with me and that this has nothing to do with my wishes for thinking space. But a small part of me thinks he could just be respecting my wish? Or am a being completely naive here??
I know it doesn't matter either way and the outcome is the same but I think it would hurt less if he was doing it for my sake.

Having been the same situation, he stayed away because he thought it was the best thing for me and to help me move on. This was clear when I got back in contact

You aren't friends. You are someone he had a fling with wheb you were you were younger and he was attached. And someone he has had a fling now with.

You did more that kiss. Your last thread made a point of saying it wasn't full sex. That means it was more than a kiss

All the while telling your husband you don't have any interest in sex. Rather than being honest and telling him you do want sex, just not with him. He thinks yiu are working at your marriage, you are upset because your sleazy affair partner has backed off.

To me, it's mental abuse of your husband.

You need to get your moral alignment and your self esteem fixed pronto.

This. You've stated that your DH is actually trying harder but yet you're still hung up over your fling with this other man?

Imo, the only thing you should be feeling right now is shame and regret. Not wondering about what your fling is doing, knowing full well that he has a gf and DC.

Take a look in the mirror please, OP.

I regret that it's ended this way - do you not see that you should be reserving your regret for someone more deserving of it? Your husband who you merrily went of out to cheat on, or his girlfriend and an innocent baby who doesn't deserve a father like this?

You say your marriage is on the rocks. You appear to have no real committment to try to save it, so please separate and free up your husband to find someone who will appreciate and love him (and not go off with an old flame).

Keep out of this man's life. Even if he does get back in touch with you, try to have some respect for his girlfriend and child, and don't be the cause of her misery.

He messaged to say he's checking how I'm feeling. I've said fine, all very amicable. I think that's a nice way of saying goodbye.

Thanks for your comments it does help to hear other's opinions.

The arsehole behaviour was him messaging an old flame (you) out of the blue 3 months back. He should have had more respect for his GF to not do that. You were both arseholes for flirting, meeting up and kissing.

You were the one to message him first to say back off and his one, tiny, redeeming feature in this is that he respected that and backed completely off. If he'd kept up the contact then he would have been a huge arsehole. Hopefully this has shocked him into realising what he could lose if he'd followed up and gone further.

You on the other hand need to get a grip. If your marriage isn't working then do the decent thing and end it. Spend some time alone finding some self respect and realigning your moral compass before entering into another relationship. Make sure the next one is with an unattached guy, and don't screw up someone else's relationship.

You asked for brutal and I'm sorry but I've given it.