NC DSis sending gifts to DC

MandyTandy · 2022-02-06T00:20:51+00:00

I recently had a big falling out with my sister. Basically I called her out on her bad behaviour and instead of apologising and discussing it like an adult she's decided to have a strop and go "no contact" (blocking me on her phone). However she's now sending my toddler DC gifts, clearly wanting to have a relationship with them despite disrespecting and ignoring me. I'm tempted to post the gifts back to her to show that I'm not putting up with it. If I just bin them then she'll assumed her attempts have worked. WWYD?

ugifletzet · 06/02/2022 00:25

When you say "bad behaviour", what exactly do you mean?

DropYourSword · 06/02/2022 00:29

Is it your DCs birthday? It would seem pretty normal to send a present in that circumstance.
Or if not, did she often send your DC presents just because?

She's fallen out with you, but your DC are still her family. It feels maybe a little petty to make them miss out, but only you know all the context to understand whether this is out of character for her.

Original poster

MandyTandy · 06/02/2022 00:32

@ugifletzet

When you say "bad behaviour", what exactly do you mean?

She stayed at mine at Xmas and was hugely ungrateful - didn't even buy me or my husband a Xmas present, & I heard her openly slagging me off multiple times.

I know that's kind of minor in the big scheme of things which is why I wanted to resolve it with a discussion, but she decided to flounce and block me instead.

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halfthedream · 06/02/2022 00:35

Wow I read the title of the thread and for a second thought it was about me but obviously not as I haven't written it.

My siblings and I called out our DSis on her behaviour over summer (been going on for years, enough is enough).

She's been NC since then (her choice) and hasn't joined in on family group chats that she is still on. Didn't wish anybody happy birthdays or anything. Then randomly a few weeks ago a parcel arrived with her return address, notes to the kids on each gift but nothing addressed to us.

I've just put the gifts away for now (not given them to kids) and messaged her to ask her straight what is the intention behind it? Does she want to talk and if so is she going to talk about the issues without trying to brush everything under the carpet as usual? Or does she still want to be NC and is just going to send random gifts to DC when she feels like it? She's not replied.......

Original poster

MandyTandy · 06/02/2022 00:38

@halfthedream

Wow I read the title of the thread and for a second thought it was about me but obviously not as I haven't written it.

My siblings and I called out our DSis on her behaviour over summer (been going on for years, enough is enough).

She's been NC since then (her choice) and hasn't joined in on family group chats that she is still on. Didn't wish anybody happy birthdays or anything. Then randomly a few weeks ago a parcel arrived with her return address, notes to the kids on each gift but nothing addressed to us.

I've just put the gifts away for now (not given them to kids) and messaged her to ask her straight what is the intention behind it? Does she want to talk and if so is she going to talk about the issues without trying to brush everything under the carpet as usual? Or does she still want to be NC and is just going to send random gifts to DC when she feels like it? She's not replied.......

Urgh, it's so manipulative isn't it?

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Original poster

MandyTandy · 06/02/2022 00:47

@DropYourSword

Is it your DCs birthday? It would seem pretty normal to send a present in that circumstance. Or if not, did she often send your DC presents just because?

She's fallen out with you, but your DC are still her family. It feels maybe a little petty to make them miss out, but only you know all the context to understand whether this is out of character for her.

They're not going to "miss out" because they have tons of toys and are too young to realise what's going on.

& yeah, unfortunately it's very much in character for her as she's done this before. It's hugely upsetting for our poor parents and I'm really pissed off at her for putting them through this stress again!

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DropYourSword · 06/02/2022 00:49

It sounds like you maybe escalate drama of things.

Jk24 · 06/02/2022 00:55

Shes not fallen out with your children though? And did she buy your dc Xmas presents? Because if so I don't think she needs to buy the adults especially if she's child free? I wouldn't have an issue with this personally

Original poster

MandyTandy · 06/02/2022 00:58

@DropYourSword

It sounds like you maybe escalate drama of things.

Not sure where you're getting that from? All I did was ask her to explain why she was disrespecting me. Would you really be happy to go out of your way to host someone and then have them treat you like that?

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Jacaranda75 · 06/02/2022 01:01

This sounds like my SIL. We’ve been NC for 10 years due to her nasty, spiteful behaviour, which she refused to recognise and apologise for.

She still send cards and presents like nothing has happened. I send them straight to the charity shop.

RedCandyApple · 06/02/2022 01:05

Different situation for me as I’m NC with my sister for more serious reasons, we haven’t spoken in 2 years, however the first year she sent my children Xmas and birthday gifts and cards, I didn’t give them to my children. Luckily she didn’t send anything this year though

Eightiesfan · 06/02/2022 01:11

Do you think it’s possible that DSis is using the present as an olive branch? Maybe she’s reflected on things and it’s the first step towards an apology (trying so hard to be positive here!), it would be interesting to know how old she is as this sounds typical of teenage behaviour.

Original poster

MandyTandy · 06/02/2022 01:14

@Eightiesfan

Do you think it’s possible that DSis is using the present as an olive branch? Maybe she’s reflected on things and it’s the first step towards an apology (trying so hard to be positive here!), it would be interesting to know how old she is as this sounds typical of teenage behaviour.

I doubt it! Why would she offer an olive branch while still blocking me?

& she's in her 30s! But yeah I sometimes think she has the emotional intelligence of a teenager.

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Chichimcgee · 06/02/2022 01:20

I didn’t think adults had to buy other adults presents?
I think it’s a shame your children will miss out on a relationship with her as she hasn’t done anything to them.
Slagging off is quite vague. If it was ‘oh I’m so bored’ ‘that turkey was really dry’ ‘I don’t like Mandys top do you?’ It’s not nice but not a big deal.
If it’s more ‘can’t believe I’m having to spend Christmas at this dump with boring fart Mandy and her family’ then yes call her out on it.

Original poster

MandyTandy · 06/02/2022 01:41

@Chichimcgee

I didn’t think adults had to buy other adults presents? I think it’s a shame your children will miss out on a relationship with her as she hasn’t done anything to them. Slagging off is quite vague. If it was ‘oh I’m so bored’ ‘that turkey was really dry’ ‘I don’t like Mandys top do you?’ It’s not nice but not a big deal. If it’s more ‘can’t believe I’m having to spend Christmas at this dump with boring fart Mandy and her family’ then yes call her out on it.

It is a shame, but it's her choice to go NC & it's not like she can hang out with them while also ignoring me. They're toddlers, not teenagers.

& we've always done presents for adults in our family. I bought her a number of thoughtful gifts.

& the "slagging off" was a range of things. She also had a tantrum about the house being too hot and another about us not having any tonic water. Her ridiculous behaviour created a bad atmosphere in the house and needed to be addressed.

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