Feeling confused/frustrated/numb….
After having to leave our family home last June due to DH making it unbearable to live in anymore ( slept on sofa for 3 months, silent treatment one minute abusive rants the next, total manipulative game playing messing with my daughters and my head - I had to put the kids 1st and show them it’s not a normal way to live - when I say kids - 19 /17 & 15 years).
The game playing went from agreeing to selling the house - letting me get half way through purchasing a house (solicitor fees and searches all paid more) DH taking the girls to look at houses with him and amicably agreeing split 50/50 to taking the house off the market behind my back resulting in me losing the house I was buying and trapped. I wasn’t strong enough mentally at the time to start any legal proceedings as I was scared of him due to the verbal abuse I was living with.
So to get normality back in the kids lives we eventually found a place to rent - a squeeze but not hostile environment! DH swung from verbal abuse to manipulation to ‘always here if you need anything’- absolute mind scramble!!
Once we were out he told me he had no intention of selling the house for a few years so he could’adjust’ - hence I had to take a loan out and start divorce proceedings 😢
So for past 7 months I am struggling financially as no help from him towards the kids (I plucked up the courage to visit him and ask if he could help out at all and was told tbe £20k in the bank had been gambled away and just laughed in my face!) Fuming - still don’t know if a lie or he has gambled it away- just another mind game?…….
During all this he decided I was going through the menopause which was making me make all these decisions- ignoring the fact I was getting away from his controlling manipulative not very nice ways- much easiest for him to gloss over that and just blame me. For the record I have no menopause symptoms and have 3 kids that backed me getting out as it was long overdue….
So now divorce papers served but he refuses to acknowledge them so going to be a long haul - my solicitor has advised to stop the games and go to court so the judge decides the timelines and me and DH have to abide by this. Going to cost a fortune so increase the loan - all I want is the family house sold so many kids can move on and start afresh.
He has spoilt any relationship he had with kids due to his mind games - not to mention he is pretending the key is stuck in the lock for the door we have keys for and enters the house through another door that we have no key for - controlling at it’s best. At the beginning kids visited for meals and catch up but DH then started to control when they were coming under his terms only - once a week texts copy and pasted to all 3 of them but no general chitchat through the week. He’s also denying access to passports/ important paperwork pretending the file has been lost ! Been very cocky about it and controlling. Makes my blood boil but what can I do? Any advice?
I now learn he’s in his rights to continue to live in the big 4 bed home - I can only move back in within my rights but cannot make him leave to make his kids comfortable !
It’s all so frustrating and a rollercoaster I don’t know where I am going to find the strength to face him in court and come out ok with this mess.
I hate the fact I am scared of him as he is always 2 steps ahead with his manipulation and controlling ways - just feel I will never escape.
Sorry for the rant but woke up very low and try to be ok in front of the kids 🙈
Any advice or just anyone been in similar situation that can sympathise would be appreciated.
Thanks