It's all going horribly wrong, and it's all my fault.

[LowFat]

I cannot get it out of my head that DH might be about to leave me.

Somedays I realise I am being riddiculous, and other days I am convinced.

He has just started to buy 'different' style clothes. Before Christmas he made a special trip to look for a Nintendo Wii for a work colleague, which he would never have doen for me if I said I was looking for a hard-t-to-come-by gift for the DC's

We dont laugh anymore, everything we do revoles around our children, so when we do have spare time we just watch telly.

If we do have any intamacy it seems it is just to please him, and my needs are ignored.

I have tried unsuccesfully for the past 2 nights to have a nice evening with a drink and a cuddle, but he is cold to me.

I have told him how I feel and he says he's not leaving me as where would he go (said in a jokey way).

I have asked him if would could have a nice eveing tonight as we have no plans to go out, but we have now been asked round a friends and I have a feeling he will accept while I am at work, and nice eveing together again is shot.

I have seem my HV about this as I think I am being over sensative and self-destructing our relationship. But when the mood takes hold I just cry and say things to push him into a corner. Normally ending in arguement.

How do I stop these feelings.

Aw sweetie, it sounds as though you might be suffering pnd. Make an appointment to see your gp as soon as possible. Maybe ad's would help (I'm on 'em) and some counselling. Depression distorts things terribly, especially the perceived feelings and motivations of those close to us. Hope you can hang on in there till you can get some help. Hugs.

I've seen the GP and got a low score for depression, meaning I'm not and AD's were not prescribed. My HV thinks it could be hormonal.

I have just tried to phone him at home and on mobile and it took 7 calls to get hold of him. He said he was in town and did'nt hear the phone - and although logically I belive him (I could hear traffic and he has to under 5's with him fgs), irrational thoughts say different.

If I carry on like this I will drive him away. I dont know whay I am so insecure all of a sudden.

I have a review apt with the HV next week to see how I am getting on, but right now I just want to be at home, enjoying my family as it should be, not sitting at work close to tears and doubting every thing my DH does.

I have a brilliant friend who said she will babysit at least once a month so we can go out together and be a couple again - not just parents. But I'm starting to doubt he wants to be with me and therefore feel he wont have any enthusiasm for going out.

It's all so messy.

Hang in there, it sounds as if your DH realises he is caught between devil if he does and devil if he don't. (BTW Been there done that got the T'shirt). If he tries to get intimate you think all he wants is sex and you act like you don't enjoy it, then if you start getting intimate you push him away. He is keeping his distance because that is what you are telling him in everything you do (body language etc). I think a bit of relationship councelling is in order, go for your own sake even if he doesn't want to go.

I wrote him a letter when this happened a couple of months ago but I never gave it to him. I still have the letter and it still says exactley how I feel so I am thinkning of letting him read it this time. This is about the 3rd time I have felt like this.

He means the world to me and has we have been through a lot together, loosing my mum, miscarriages etc. We were always so intune, but we dont talk anymore and we are always tired from the children and work.

I want to try and recreate what we had and remind him how strong we are together, but whenever I try to talk to him I end up crying in frustration or fear of what he might say back and I think that annoys him.

I just want these awful feeling to go away. Better stop here as I am at work and about to burst in to tears.

I think your 'not depressed' diagnosis was wrong. Go back to a different doctor for a second opinion.
It also sounds as if your feeling as cyclical , could it be severe PMT? If so ask for treatment for that or try the supplement route, Evening Primrose oil etc.

I have noted that the feelings always come within a week of my period ending. But how do I stop them? Or turn them around.

Although I have started a more positvie thread of trying to creat a new years eve to remember.

Evening Primrose oil started 10 days before your period starts and Vitamin B complex (not sure when in your cycle to take these), a daily dose of Cod liver oil or better an Omega 3 capsule help to balance the seratonin levels. Going on the pill or changing the one you are on. Have all helped lots and lots of women throught the years.
A well balanced diet and also the understanding that it is happening for a reason (hormone imbalance etc) and that you are not going nuts, are not evil etc.

Thanks for all your advice DL, it does make a lot of sense actually as the second time it happened I had vowed to eat more healthily and was doing okay. I felt much more positive and had a fleeting bad moment which was nowhere near as desparing as that I am having now.

I dont want to go on the pill as there is a history of breast cancer in my family and I want to avoid tampering with my estrogen levels.

However will definatley try the EPO and Vitamin B complex as well as Omega 3. Have you seen my other thread. Just knowing I am trying to change makes me feel like a weight as has been lifted.

Thankfully we are now in an era where people do realise there is a price to pay for fertility and hormone levels that have to change from one extreme to another every month. Never mind change they CRASH from one extreme to another.
Knowing what the problem is does not mean you can carry on as before and take pleasure (have done so) in screaming at DH , 'of course Im grumpy its PMS' LOL.

As a PS. Dont forget that DH can read a calander as well as you can and he knows when he should be keeping out of your way.