‘You’re too sensitive’ - discuss

[Fieldsofgold21]

Inspired by some recent threads which touched on this - can I ask, what are your opinions on someone responding to your distress with: “You’re too sensitive.” So, say someone had repeatedly upset you, you were in tears, really sad, went to your SO and explained, and they said - “Oh it’s you, you’re too sensitive, you look for things, it’s not as bad as you perceive it to be.” Would that ever be ok?

@RantyAunty What did your DC do/say to you? Does DC speak to him like that?

It’s been over a period of time - I was trying not to make this too much about my situation, more inviting a general insight. But it’s been a lot of things - and yes, to a degree, he gets it too, but generally lets it wash over him (‘til he explodes occasionally). Things are currently ok between me and DC. I’m working hard at that.

@MintJulia
I can't imagine a situation where I would allow my own dc to reduce me to tears. As a parent, I think the teen years of being told I am evil, unreasonable etc have made me immune.
This is really interesting. Thank you.

I was trying not to make this too much about my situation, more inviting a general insight

Central to that insight is, were you being over sensitive about your children?

Was your husband being reasonable and fair to have the opinion you were being over sensitive?

If yes - then the only issue was his delivery in voicing this opinion.

If anyone reading was to be able to form the opinion that no, you were not bring over-sensitive so therefore he shouldn't have said it, then it needs additional context of what happened with the children.

Your OP suggests you don't even think he should have the opinion that you're being over-sensitive, ever. Presumably regardless of whether you were being oversensitive or not, that he should never say it. That is unreasonable.

I think family relationships are very hard to unpick.

So with your adult dc.
There is history, and all communication comes in the framework of that history. So if my 19 year old says something out of order, becasue he is generally nice, I will take it differently to if we have a history of him being a little shit and being rude and nasty towards us as his parents.

A pp said they were immune after teen years. Well, yes you do learn to have a thick skin, and to let comments wash over you and have to 'be the adult' in eveyr situation when you are getting teenage angst and hormones. But as adults, you do have the expectation that they will have grown up at least a bit, and that they should know by now how to speak to another adult, even if that person is their mum.

Also big difference between adult dc aged 18/19/20 and adult aged 30