Hello MN
Haven't posted on here for a while.
I'm absolutely broken this evening.
Have been in awful relationships in the past. Abusive ones that have left me with trust issues and very limited self esteem.
Was happily online dating and running away after 2-3 dates, especially if things were good. Fear of rejection and all that.
I met a guy. He's the kindest man I've ever met and he gets me. He's been through similar stuff and he's got my back. I love him, I trust him.
He's now my partner. He tells me he loves me every day. He shows up, he never lets me down.
Every so often I'm triggered. Every few months I freak out, and it always seems to be him in the firing line. Today my ex (child's dad) sent me a shitty text and instead of processing/calming down I called my boyfriend straight after, ended up shouting at him down the phone and told him that he thinks I'm a twat (?) then hung up on him regretting it immediately... a few weeks ago I was convinced he was cheating on me for no reason at all (previous stuff with my ex) and ended up in tears...
I'm scared he is going to leave. My outbursts are irrational and this guy doesn't deserve any of my shit. It's all past stuff.
Mostly things are awesome, then I see red and just lose it every so often.
Maybe I need therapy again,
Any thoughts?