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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I keep fucking everything up

7 replies

zebrachick · 04/02/2022 22:10

Hello MN
Haven't posted on here for a while.

I'm absolutely broken this evening.
Have been in awful relationships in the past. Abusive ones that have left me with trust issues and very limited self esteem.
Was happily online dating and running away after 2-3 dates, especially if things were good. Fear of rejection and all that.
I met a guy. He's the kindest man I've ever met and he gets me. He's been through similar stuff and he's got my back. I love him, I trust him.
He's now my partner. He tells me he loves me every day. He shows up, he never lets me down.
Every so often I'm triggered. Every few months I freak out, and it always seems to be him in the firing line. Today my ex (child's dad) sent me a shitty text and instead of processing/calming down I called my boyfriend straight after, ended up shouting at him down the phone and told him that he thinks I'm a twat (?) then hung up on him regretting it immediately... a few weeks ago I was convinced he was cheating on me for no reason at all (previous stuff with my ex) and ended up in tears...
I'm scared he is going to leave. My outbursts are irrational and this guy doesn't deserve any of my shit. It's all past stuff.
Mostly things are awesome, then I see red and just lose it every so often.
Maybe I need therapy again,
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2022 22:14

You do need therapy and you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. The way you’re treating him is really awful, as you acknowledge. He’s not your ex, he’s not your emotional punching bag. If you love him you’ll want him to be happy and not in a bad relationship. You’re hurting him and he’s putting up with it because of his own past hurt. Not healthy. Not okay.

Mintlegs · 04/02/2022 22:17

You know it is wrong so try and change before it’s too late. Yes maybe you do need therapy to change behaviours

Melkam · 04/02/2022 22:25

@Mintlegs

You know it is wrong so try and change before it’s too late. Yes maybe you do need therapy to change behaviours
yes maybe so, certainly something to calm the anxiety as it seems to be an anxiety issue.
Norwolf · 04/02/2022 22:37

Ur an adult, take responsibility and stop molly cuddling urself. Yes he will leave you if you don’t straighten up your shit. You shouldn’t even be in a relationship because hurt people hurt people.

Get help, and stick with it. In all honesty I do hope he walks away, no one deserves that treatment.

Norwolf · 04/02/2022 22:38

*mollycoddling

GentlemanJayFab · 04/02/2022 22:39

I'd leave you. You sound hard work. Please do something about it before you lose a good guy.

zebrachick · 05/02/2022 18:24

Thanks for all being really honest & direct. Genuinely appreciated

OP posts:
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