Relationships

[Mumtofour4]

Hi, I have been with my partner over 15 years now and he suffers with depression. Wont work, doesn't want to be a father let alone a partner.
I cant take the verbal abuse anymore. Constantly being called names and made to believe I'm not good enough and everything is my fault.

So why do you stay ?

I ask myself that a thousand times a night.

He doesn’t verbally abuse you because he’s depressed…and let’s be clear on that. He verbally abuses you because he’s abusive.

You aren’t obliged to put up with abuse in sickness and in health. He’s just a horrible man.

Out he goes. For goodness sake, do not raise your children in this dysfunction. What they see being modelled to them right now will impact the rest of their lives. You have a responsibility to protect them from this abuse, so you had better act quickly.

Thanks all for the comments. It's hard when you feel you have no where to go, no one to turn too. You cling on to the better days and pray it stays but it never does.

It’s the devastating reality I know…and one you hoped you’d never have to face. That’s why you hang in for so long. The thought of starting agin with nothing is really scary.
He really won’t change. There’s not going to be any epiphany, he won’t see the light…or the error of his ways. He might pretend for a while, to keep you in his thrall…but people who behave like this, they’re not interested in conquering their demons, only concealing them.

It really is poor me all the time with him. Blames absolutely everyone and everything for all the wrongs in his life. I just feel like a robot. Sort the kids, work, come home, prepare tea, put the kids to bed. I dont know who I am anymore and it's making me question myself. He wants a row with everyone at any given opportunity.

Yes it makes him feel big, the sad fuck. He does nothing to earn genuine elevation so he creates it by putting you down instead. He enjoys bullying you. I know that’s hard to read but it’s true.
It’s not love is it?

Of course not. Lost that years ago and that's the sad reality of it all realising how many years have been wasted. Life is so precious.

Sounds very hard OP. Would he consider doing therapy do you think? Might help him/you in the meantime even if you do eventually want to leave

Is he on antidepressants ?

It's so much easier to drag someone down than to haul someone up. He might be in a mess but he's using horrible ways to equalise your self esteem with his. This is sabotage and it's not sustainable for you to withstand this without ending up as rock bottom as him.
Awful, but for your sake and the kids this can't go on. I wish you strength.