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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stuck in a damaging cycle

8 replies

nadgersbadgers · 04/02/2022 20:31

Long and complicated

I do not want a flaming. I know this is all kinds of fucked up.

DP and I are stuck in a never ending cycle of me feeling like he doesn't want me - only here because of our child, me telling him that. Me feeling shit and him acting indifferent, me being angry - I can't escape

I'm also 17 weeks pregnant (unplanned, BPAS was booked but I couldn't go through with it) And I'm really struggling with how I feel about this all. Haven't told family I'm pregnant.

Basically DP and I both divorced. Kids from previous. We got pregnant really quickly, He tried to fuck his ex when I was pregnant before - (made a move on her more than once) I only found out once our child was born. I asked him to leave. He refused. We've gone through a cycle of this, me bringing it up me being hurt still years on. Now I'm pregnant again. Still feel like he doesn't listen to me doesn't care how I am just tells me to be happy. In the past he's told me I can't talk about his behaviour from when I was pregnant as it makes him feel sad fuck it gives me the rage the entitled cunt. Any way.

I'm so so so sad. I cry daily. I feel hopeless and tonight while I was at a club with my DC I came home to find he's not fed our child. I'm grumpy. I asked him why the fuck he hasn't fed DC etc and he was rude and told me to fuck off and I said I would if I could - he's then stood shouting at me to fuck off and go then while I just cried. I feel so so lost. I'm meant to be this strong independent woman, I left my ex husband for less ffs because I wanted my kids to never be exposed to this sort of shit.

He's now being Disney dad with his dc and I'm sitting sobbing in my bed.

OP posts:
nadgersbadgers · 04/02/2022 20:51

On reflection

He came home from work to a tidy house and sat on the sofa for 2 hours while I took dc out .... and he got cross because I pointed out he hadn't fed his kids.

What the fuck

Then swore at me.

In context - he's been away all week with work on a jolly. I've been looking after my / our shared DC on my own.

I'm an absolute mug.
He's made me feel shit for him being shit and a shit parent and a shit partner.

He's downstairs watching tv drinking beer and I'm laying on my bed crying. What. The. Fuck.

OP posts:
WhenIsItTooLate · 04/02/2022 21:13

He sounds like an absolute arsehole. You don’t need this, pregnant or not, your life can only improve without him in it. Get your ducks in a row and get out before baby arrives!

nadgersbadgers · 04/02/2022 21:19

I literally have no options to get ducks any where.

All my Money is tied up in this house my career is fucked due to pregnancy.

OP posts:
nadgersbadgers · 04/02/2022 21:22

He thinks he does no wrong

I've
Come down to make a drink and he's just shouted at me across t he room "are you going to be civil to me now!?"

OP posts:
Ohpulltheotherone · 04/02/2022 21:29

Well honestly OP there’s only 3 options.

Relationship counselling - it could work for you to both move past the resentments and anger and try to reconnect. You’d both have to be committed to making this work.

Leave - or ask him to leave. You’ll have to work out your finances but people do it, women do it all the time and lots of women on mn can advise.

Stay as you are. And just wait for the eventual erosion of all your strength and happiness (both of you I mean) until you basically hate each other and one of you cheats or leaves. This could be years of unhappiness until the conclusion.

I don’t see any other option to be honest and I’d personally go for number 2.- appreciate it’s not that simple.

But it doesn’t sound healthy for anyone to be honest. Unless you can both commit to saving the relationship, what other option is there?

nadgersbadgers · 04/02/2022 21:36

He's just called me a cunt because I don't want to engage in his argument with kids in the house I've asked him
To stop shouting and to leave me alone and he's called me a cunt

OP posts:
Coffee4685 · 04/02/2022 22:01

Take the advice, OP. Leave the bastard. Find a way. Be done with this shitshow. If not for you then for your soon-to-be two kids. What are you showing them here?

SunflowerTed · 07/02/2022 07:41

@nadgersbadgers

He's just called me a cunt because I don't want to engage in his argument with kids in the house I've asked him To stop shouting and to leave me alone and he's called me a cunt
You’ve picked a right one there !!!!!
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