Tried to do the polite reduction in contact and failed😩

[HadEnoughOfIt12]

This is with a family member (sister). There is a history, of course!

I reached a point last year where I really needed to reduce contact with this person. I got advice about it on here and a lot of people said go NC, but I was trying to keep the peace in case of family funeral etc, I just wanted to be able to be polite and civil.

But she noticed this and started asking for more contact which I politely, but firmly said no to. She today then insisted on knowing what was going on and I tried very hard not to get into it and explained that with the history, I really didn't want to fall out with her. She insisted on knowing exactly what she had done wrong so I told her. Also slightly lost my cool and told her what I think of her which was not my finest hour. I may even apologise for being rude, but the upshot of our conversation was that I said I'd really like her to leave us alone. I tried being polite / civil, for the sake of family, but her saying "I've never done anything bad to you in my entire life" today made me so cross. She has done a lot of bad stuff to me and part of it is then gaslighting me later, denying she did anything, when I know she did, and then calling me mentally ill behind my back.

What do I do now? Block her? Apologise for rudeness but reiterate that I'd rather she left me alone please?

Hate confrontation, but her not being in my life is a welcome relief

@HadEnoughOfIt12 - so many familiar stories unfolding on your thread. Going NC with a toxic sibling (or any family member) is the only way to free yourself of their constant scapegoating.

When you leave, they start panicking because they're losing their convenient punchbag.

I didn't bother explaining anything to my toxic sister. Just walked away from her one day and never spoke to her again, never went back, and finally cut her out of my life. Any attempt from her to contact me was blocked. Anything that came in the post was thrown straight in the bin.

She tried several times to lure me back in. No dice.

She was (and remains) an emotional vampire. Probably some kind of personality disorder at play. Totally not my problem any more.

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate the words of kindness and support. So sorry a few people on here have had similar situations.

This has been going on for so many years now. I also think my sister might have some sort of personality disorder, but she's very high functioning as she has a great job and is very successful at it. She probably has her reasons for being the way she is. We didn't have a rosy upbringing - none of us did. No serious abuse (that I know of), but maybe mild neglect and then warring parents as we grew up. They had a toxic relationship but stayed together till the bitter end. I expect we are all a little bit damaged tbh. But in everyone's interest, I can't keep feeding into this very toxic dynamic. I do get along with my other siblings and my dad. AFAIK, sister does too, although she has been absolutely vile to them all in the past.

I do think that in this situation, NC is the only way forward for us both. People did say that when I posted over a year ago too, but I stupidly clung on, which really is my own fault. But I'm not being hard on myself. Just moving on 💪