I think I want to separate from my husband

[MumWifeNurse]

I feel so awful writing this but I need to talk to someone who isn't family or friends.

I have been married to my husband since 2018 and we got together in 2013. We had our daughter in 2019. I suffered with and still do post natal depression. I do take medication for it and it works but over the last several months I have been really struggling with my feelings towards my husband!

He is lazy! He doesn't care if the house is a mess. We moved into our home in 2020 and I don't think he has ever once clean the bathroom, changed the bedsheets etc. I work full time as a nurse and I am the one that gets our daughter up in the morning I dress her and myself. Give her some breakfast, get my lunch ready. He gets up gets dressed and takes her to nursery!! I cook most nights, bath our daughter and put her to bed. She mainly wants me anyway but I think that's because I do everything with her.

I love my husband but I don't feel I am in love with him. I have had the conversation that he needs to do more time and how I feel and time again he does for like a week and then goes back to his old ways.

I am at the point where I have looked at how much it would be rent a place for me and our daughter. I don't want to have sex with him anymore 1. Because I am tired and 2. I am not attracted to someone who is lazy.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

I'd imagine a lit of people of ppl have been in the exact same situation infact. Unfortunately, women settling for selfish, lazy bastard hisbands is a rare thing.

You've talked to him and he still hasn't pulled hus socks up. Probably time to go.

One alternative you could try is that he pays for a cleaner to come round and do his share.

However, I'm not sure that tackles the route of the issue- that he has no respect for you. If he did, he would have been looking for ways to take the pressure off you.

Also, a cleaner can't step up and do the parenting he should have. What if you got pregnant again? It would be more of the same shit.

I think you'd be wise to leave op. And you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about doing so. He was given many chances. He failed.

*husbands is not a rare thing

I think you have to listen to your gut when it’s been telling you something for a while. It doesn’t seem you are getting anything out of this, and your daughter might have a more engaged Dad if he had separate time with her.

What I would do is gather all your financial info for you both, and go see a solicitor. That will tell you how the money will break down, and you can plan from there.

Then you can decide if you want to suggest counselling to him, or if you just want to call it.

I always like the Nora Ephron quote to be the hero of your life, not the victim, so keep that in mind.

A marriage only works while both partners are happy. The problem is he doesn't care about whether you're happy or not. The relationship will inevitably fail sooner or later. You might as well make it sooner for everyone's sake.

I am so torn. He is good to me and our daughter. He listens to me when I'm not doing great mentally and he always asks how I am.

When I have spoken to him about it in the past he got really upset and I know he loves me, he tells me all the time but it's not enough for me. I need someone who is house proud and thinks oh I will do the washing up rather than sit on the Xbox.

I feel awful as he is a good, kind person but our relationship since having our daughter has changed so much.

I feel so overwhelmed with all the washing and how the house is so untidy and I struggle when I know everywhere is mess.

I just feel like I want to be on my own (live I mean, just me and my daughter)

How are others husband/ partners? Anyone else going through the same?

So what about the cleaner option then op?
See if that releases some of the pressure.

This reminds me of this article.
Perhaps get him to read it.
mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
And yes I left my ex because he was lazy and the resentment killed all feelings

My dp is lazy but luckily I don't live with him. When it all gets too much I just go home.

Yes we have spoken about a cleaner but I don't see why we should have to pay someone just because he is lazy. It's not because he doesn't have time because he does.

@MumWifeNurse

Yes we have spoken about a cleaner but I don't see why we should have to pay someone just because he is lazy. It's not because he doesn't have time because he does.

'We' shouldn't. It should come specifically out of his pocket.

If he listens to you just tell him warts and all how you feel.

If he agrees have a huge declutter and clean, trios to tip, storage solutions type thing and say once the house is running tidy with minimal daily housework from both of you then you can work on your romance because you won't be as tired and harranged by the mess.

Yes, mine was just like this so I divorced him. It was a huge improvement for me!

He's not 'good to you' though, is he?

He may have nice chat and be polite when you walk in the door but that's a minimum. He doesn't pull his weight. He leaves everything to you. He is lazy.

I mean, the nice bloke in Tesco always asks me how I am, that doesn't mean he's fully qualified to be my life partner and co-parent.

And how you can say he is good to your daughter when he doesn't lift one finger to care for her is beyond me...

My first marriage broke down because of this. He was a lazy wanker and I was at the very bottom of his priorities list at all times. It went him, football, mates, the pub, work, his family, the kids, then me if I was lucky. He was at the pub watching football both times I was in labour.
Life is too short to put up with this bollocks

If you had a good relationship before your child was born I would at least try counselling to see if it can be saved. He might not understand the impact his behaviour is having on the relationship.

Whether he can or will change is up to him.

Need advice,I've been married for over 20 yrs.have 4 kids(all adults). 2 have special needs,1 is fine and last one has mental health issues. Quite bad. My son doesn't get on with my daughter. Thinking of moving out ,as things are getting bad. Any help?