Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Question for experienced daters...

15 replies

Shinydiscoballs1 · 03/02/2022 21:14

New to dating, got a date tomo night...its a sort of set up through mutual friends.
Experienced daters: are you looking for that initial spark and fancying them on the first date and if it's not there, leave it? OR are you giving it another date even if theres no initial spark, if there were good points to go on eg similar values, great laugh etc
Im always looking for that want to rip your clothes off feeling but have also heard that this can develop over time if not there initially !!

OP posts:

Sonaftersonafterson · 03/02/2022 21:23

In my experience, there has to be SOME physical spark there on the first meet. If you're not going away thinking about how much youd like to kiss him, then dont bother with a 2nd date. Liking someone grows over time, sure, but that initial GGGRRR! Gotta be there for me as a basic and then I go from there.

2nd dates with guys who dont give me butterflies but are nice and we get on seem to cause issues. I eventually have to shake them off when I knew from date 1 he wasn't for me.

Redland12 · 03/02/2022 21:29

For me got to fancy them on first date and yes I’m thinking I could rip your clothes off. I would know instantly. Must be that physical attraction. If not no second date for me.

iwishu · 03/02/2022 21:30

I'm still looking, have been dating on and off for a couple of years. I look for a spark because it's important for me to feel that chemistry, however if you just go for chemistry and let your standards slip, you soon end up getting hurt! If you go with someone you find safe but unattractive then you are cheating yourself out of happiness. Is it possible to find a combination of the same values, compatibility and attraction? I'm yet to find... I hope this exists.
If I don't feel the spark on the first date then I don't bother with a second, not sure then I have a second date.

Maybe someone who has found what there're looking for will answer and what worked for them.

Sunsetsupernova · 03/02/2022 21:31

Yes, i agree there has to be some physical spark or at least some intrigue on the first date to make me want a second one.
There were a couple of times where I went along on a second date even though I wasn’t excited about it just because he was a nice man but it was always a waste of time.

Milomonster · 03/02/2022 22:31

I’ve pretty much been spot on with my reading of a person and my feelings from first dates BUT I tend to give 2nd dates a chance to confirm.

Dandynot · 03/02/2022 22:38

Not sure about an immediate physical desire, but I’m a slow burn and attraction for me tends to grow over time. Even so, even if I sort of accept that I’m not necessarily going to fancy them straightaway, I still have to be able to imagine kissing them without thinking yuk, no!
The goodbyes are always telling… I’ve lost count of the times I’m slightly dreading it at the end in case they make a lunge, as I’m so not attracted to them.

Pinkbonbon · 03/02/2022 22:42

For me, there needs to be attraction on the first date. I'd doesn't need to be rip your clothes off attraction but I need to see potential for it to go that way as I get to know them more.

Lampan · 03/02/2022 22:47

I think if someone is a nice person with no red flags and you feel like you have things in common, it’s worth a second date. People are a lot more relaxed and ‘themselves’ on date 2, and there aren’t the first date nerves or awkwardness.
I also think sometimes on a first date you can be so relieved that someone is ‘normal’ and hasn’t lied on their profile that it can get in the way of how much you are actually interested in them.
I’m picky but I think a second date is worth the effort. But absolutely no third date if there is no spark by date 2.

Lampan · 03/02/2022 22:56

Also to add: it depends what you are looking for I suppose. If you’re just dating for fun then move on if there’s no spark. But if you are looking to settle down then it’s probably wise not to write someone off immediately.

alwaysmovingforwards · 03/02/2022 23:38

If there’s no speak on date one.. I’m not investing time in date two.
Simple as that really!

alwaysmovingforwards · 03/02/2022 23:39

Spark!

Hawkins001 · 03/02/2022 23:46

My outlook it's a mix, I look for someone who could be my Nigel Bailey, in the sense of a traveling companion, for many adventures e.g. Museums, science, and archaeology places, open to learning intellectually, has a good mix of perspectives and philosophies, ect.

Of course attraction helps, but overall it's their attitudes, their desires, their passions, their hobbies, etc that will captivate me more, than just beauty,

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/02/2022 23:49

I think a physical spark is what you ideally want.

However if they make you laugh, or you connect W them in some way, give it another couple of dates, a couple glasses of wine can encourage a little sizzle and then it can get going quite nicely.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 04/02/2022 14:11

I think there has to be some kind of romantic or sexual spark, or the potential for it. I've known this to develop, but never really for it to appear out of nothing.

Don't be looking to be stopped in your tracks by chemistry though, on a first date, just for a bit of intrigue or attraction (personality based as much as physical, if not more so).

northernlady2904 · 04/02/2022 14:30

For me I think I know within the first 10 minutes if I'll see them again

Flip