This is a bit of an essay so thank you if you manage to read through!
me and my partner of 12 years (2 kids) were on a relationship break on the verge of him leaving because I challenged him for putting work ahead of his family. We had an agreement to stay together in the home and finish doing it up so it was nice for the kids because in the time we lived here he didn't lift a finger to help.
Fast forward, he asked to get back together and I said no I need some more time to see if he had changed rather than him pretending to have changed just to get back togethet. Instead of communicating with me he went and found someone else and had already gotten into a relationship with them without even meeting them in person (they aren't even local and he met at work as he was a team leader and she was home working on his team)
Now I didn't want our relationship to end, and I'm absolutely crushed beyond belief. I sacrificed a lot for this man and stood by him when we had so many money struggles and work problems, but I genuinely expected to stay together forever. Now there is more to it but it would take too long to write.
Originally after me finding out, I said OK but please stay until we've sorted finances out so I can be stable for the children. I didn't work because his job was enough, but now I'll have to go onto UC and find a job around my children's school hours as cannot afford to pay childcare upfront and have no family that can help. He said he will help but obviously I need a job first.
We had plenty of arguments over the first few weeks and he threatened multiple times to up and leave without helping me out financially. Now I've started to try and move on and I've asked him to leave, he won't because he has nowhere to go, even though when the ball was in his court he was happy enough to just sort something out but now it's impossible now his leverage has gone. He wants to keep going to visit his new girlfriend yet come back here and expect me to wait for him and her to sort their lives out at my expense and I'm done with it.
I still love this man 100% and feel like a complete mug letting him stay when he's already said he is going to move in with his girlfriend when she moves down to this town (they've met twice in real life) I have no idea if I should be asking him to leave, but seeing the man I still love go to their new partner after destroying me, then coming back is doing a number on me mentally and I can't and don't want the kids to see me struggling.
He says he has nowhere to go and I do worry that I won't be able to survive waiting for my first payments and looking for a job, as obviously he has also contributed to a lot of my bills and gas/electric and he won't be able to pay child maintenance. (we have no savings)
Would you bite the bullet and let him stay, or go ahead and kick him out? I'm a mess and really don't know if its the right thing to do or if it's just the stress and depression making the decisions xx