Why can’t I talk to my DH ?

[GeneLovesJezebel]

Looked on out bank account and it’s showing that he went to a supermarket 30 minutes away that we would never go to. Plus he’s taken £50 cash out but it’s not in his wallet.
What is stopping me asking him ?
I know it’s not an affair, and if it was it would be the perfect excuse to end the marriage.
I think our marriage is so shit that I’ve taught myself to not care and not be interested, but maybe he has somehow conditioned me not to ask.
I really don’t know.

And now he wants to book a holiday in the summer like nothing happened.

You can't just say, you have to act. I went to the Court to just start the divorce. Paperwork makes it real.

Did you have anxiety prior to this relationship op?
Did he have cause to be so far away?

Are you definitely afraid and not, say, indifferent? Given how you seem to feel about him/the relationship.

@Polecat03

Are you definitely afraid and not, say, indifferent? Given how you seem to feel about him/the relationship.

I think that maybe my survival mode was to make myself not care, I was telling myself that we will be getting divorced in the future so whatever he does doesn’t matter. If I’ve asked about stuff in the past he has become very defensive, even if it has a simple explanation.

I’d like him to ‘change’, to go back to the person he was, when I adored him, but so much has happened that he can’t take back or change.
I don’t want a divorce, I want to go back to how it used to be, but it can’t and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.
It’s not so bad, but it’s not that good either, and it’s so hard to press the divorce button.