Marriage - third time

[cosmosforall]

So my partner has been married twice before. He is thinking about marriage (to me!) as he knows it's important to me and what I theoretically want. There is no pressure from me, we will be together regardless. Other points are - we will not have kids together, finances are equal, any property we buy together will be legally protected for both of us etc etc

He feels that his experience has showed him it doesnot work as mechanism of keeping people together so why do it? This and the embarrassment of third time lucky is what he can't get his head around.

Any advice for him, points of views, experience of people who have had multiple marriages?

I am married to dh number 4. Poor bloke knows how high my expectations are now!! Been together 10 years this year.
No taker of crap now!!

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping did you have any doublts about saying the words again - that basically say this is forever etc etc

My DF is on his 3rd marriage and they certainly seem the most suited. Been together 20 years and he's happier than he's ever been. They will be together until the end without a doubt

My first 2 weddings I really didn't want to be there... 3rd one knew maybe he wasn't what I hoped he would be.
4th one I made very sure mentally I was in it for the long haul!!

How long have you been together? When I first met my now DH, he’d had two quite short marriages and was adamant he was never getting married again. Which was fine by me, my first husband changed entirely as soon as we got married, I had no desire to do it again either! It was my DH who changed his mind. He started casually mentioning marriage after about 18 months, we got engaged after 2.5 years and married after 4 (I took some persuading!) We've now been together for 17 years so it worked out fine….

The whole point of marriage is to create a contract where "what's mine is yours" and to protect the lower earner.

If you're otherwise equal and your rights are protected, there's really no point in it.

I'm on my 2nd marriage, DH is on his 3rd. When we got together , neither of us was interested in walking down the aisle again, but after 5 years together we made a joint decision to make that commitment. I just wanted a quick registry office ceremony and then go home , but DH is a romantic at heart, and secretly organised a lovely lunch for both our families at our local "nice restaurant", champagne and a beautiful cake. I didn't have any worries about it being his third time - we've been married for 14 years now and couldn't be happier. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries to get it right.

I wouldn’t.

IMO anyone who has been married more than twice is likely a serial monogamist. Obviously there are exceptions but it’s never a good idea to think that if you’re someone’s 3rd or 4th husband and wife you’re the one I’d be more likely to wonder when it’s going to end.

As you don’t have children or any need to join finances I just wouldn’t.

@Buildingthefuture we've been together three years. His other marriages were 10 years each, and the a 5 year living together relationship. I've had one 22 yr marriage.

Who knows!

Will it be your first marriage OP? Honestly, if you both want it - do it. Why not? Marriage can be for all sorts of reasons, it sounds like you're not looking for financial security, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. As for him, being married twice before isn't great, but shit happens, you know? People split because their DP changed, cheated, lied, left them, was a gambler/alcoholic/drug user, etc. Leaving a relationship that isn't working can be a really positive thing to do.