A good friend I've known for over a decade recently told me she's pregnant and due right before my wedding. She said she'd been scared to break the news in case I was upset with her for maybe having to step down as bridesmaid. I'd never dream of being upset over such a thing, and I think she knows that. I suspect the real reason she didn't tell me is that she's unhappy with her situation and she doesn't want to talk about it.
She's had a tough couple of years with bereavement, and for as long as I've known her, her reaction to stress has always been to go very passive, acting as if life is a thing that happens to her rather than a thing she participates in. She's been with her boyfriend for less than a year, after meeting on an app, and they only moved in together in October. That was precipitated by her needing somewhere to live while studying on a tiny budget in a town with a massive housing shortage. I got the impression that their relationship became serious because of circumstance more than anything else. She barely talks about her partner but she did mention feeling unhappy and irritated in his flat (too small for two people, and she's always liked her personal space). Around Christmas she seemed depressed, was struggling to find motivation for her coursework, etc. I urged her to keep going because she's almost qualified now and she was so passionate about her degree when she started. Now I know that her low mood coincided with her finding out about the pregnancy. The way she told me about the baby felt so wooden and unlike her - "Of course this is wonderful news and I'm very happy", almost as if she was convincing herself. Her voice sounded like a robot voice and her face was just blank. Then she switched to talking about how she had to get essay extensions and she still hadn't done any work.
I don't know how best to support her, especially as she's at uni 200 miles away and I can't just pop round. This is the first of my friends who isn't over the moon to be expecting, so the usual card and gift feels awkward. Would love advice from women who've experienced this, either as the mum to be or as the friend.