Thought he was the ‘one’

[Sr7300]

Hi
I’m 26 (F) and my 25 (M) ex broke up with me ‘suddenly’ roughly two weeks ago. We had been together 1.5yrs and everyone thought we was going to get married.

It all really started 3 weeks ago when I mentioned to him (not the first time) why he had such a thing for liking photos of half naked girls. Now am I being unreasonable? A model, ok that’s fine. But a local girl with a few hundred likes with her bits out, maybe not so much?

In the past he said ‘it’s just a like’ whereas as I blew up at him this time round, so he said ‘I can like what I want’

Summer 2021, I went to the euro final which he didn’t like as he felt left out. This is something I have done with my dad/brother for 10+ years and I had no way of getting him a ticket. He messaged a girl he use to sleep with (before we met) and asked to meet up. I think he done it because he was pissed I went to football without him. He also said she’s a friend so didn’t see the big deal?

That was the only flaws in our relationship.

I still can only see my future with him but he’s ended it on the basis everything’s on my terms (was unaware of this)
I think he dislikes the nagging of the girl issues.
He can’t live up to my expectations (my family are well off and he feels he’s not worthy)

I’m so confused and something in my gut is telling me he’s thrown a good life away and maybe one day he’ll realise?

Struggling to accept if it is really over.

While a year and a half can feel like a long time it not really. You are both still young and growing up, while some men can be very mature at 25, some not so much. I'd say 'liking' random girls posing half naked on social media is pretty off but it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it matters that you don't like it. I find the whole thing of girls shaking their bit about on tiktok really depressing actually.

He has shown you who is really is OP. A bit of a sleaze, and behaves like a dick if he is is jealous.

You have built him up in your mind. Thinking about getting married etc. It's a fantasy and one he can't live up to. But someone will. You'll meet someone new. You can move on from this one.

Block him and forget about him

Girl you had a lucky escape, don’t go back. He should not be meeting up with a girl he used to sleep with and liking girls pics. He also can’t see he is in the wrong and I’m sorry but he’s the type of guy to cheat and not tell you, not feel bad about it etc. he has no respect for you.

"The one" will not spend his days ogling semi nakes women on social media, nor will he want to meet other women behind your back out of spite.

Preserve your dignity and raise your standards. Let this one go.

Nahh. He needs to grow up considerably and/ or find a woman who will be delighted to see her 45 year old husband still perving over local girls in undies online, and messaging ex flings. Good luck to him with that.

You've set your boundaries and upheld them. Don't compromise on things that make you uncomfortable and unhappy. You say you wouldn't mind him having a cheeky glimpse at models where there is no connection, however he is doing it too often and too close to home. And that's absolutely fine for you to make that distinction. It's not nagging, you've said what you don't like and have given him a chance to rectify this behaviour. He hasn't done so, and has thrown his toys out of the pram therefore it is time to move on.

It also sounds as though he resents things like you getting match tickets and him not, and punishes you by contacting other women. That's not ok.

Perhaps one day he will grow up but it's not for you to wait around watching him arse about in the meantime. You're way too young to settle.

I had no way of getting him a ticket. He messaged a girl he use to sleep with (before we met) and asked to meet up. I think he done it because he was pissed I went to football without him.

Noone who's devoted to someone, and whonid reasonable, starts messages ex fk buddies because their gf can't them a footie ticket. They'd just think "she can't get me a ticket, it's disappointing but whatever". Its an excuse.

If he said it, it's a bullshit excuse.

If he didn't say it, but you're thinking it; you're making excuses for him.

Being annoyed/disapponnted about a footie match wouldn't cause a faithful bf to be unfaithful.

More like you were out of the way, so he fell into messaging ex fk buddies.

Even if there was the slightest spite in it; is that what you want in a partner. Gets spiteful about things you can't help and contacts exes??!!

Also him saying she's a friend so it's fine; not really because she wasn't a platonic friend. They usd to shag, in the mot do distabt past, presumsbly.

I don't knoe why anyone thought he's somebody who'd be marrying a gf in the nearest future; because he does't sound like he wants to be tied down in life. He sounds like he wants to play the field.

Same with the sm likes of local women's "sexy" pics.

Same with the break up.

Thry obviously don't have a clue what's actually going on in his head, and what he does privately.

He doesn't really sound committed/invested at all. It's come as a shock to you because you sound very invested.

Youre v young to be getting so invested; I suppose some men might also be the early-ish settling type too, but rom this his behaviour; he's not one of them!

I have a feeling he'll,go on like this iknany relationship he's in for a while (maybe he'll never stop).

It is over and you deserve so much more and better than this immature timewaster. He does not value you at all. Block everywhere and move on, live your life - you have done nothing wrong. You have everything to look forward to!

He does need to grow up as other ppl said, but at the same time; he's 25!

That's young.

Apparently your brain is still developing until 21.

I honestly think a portion of women and a bigger portion of men are not mature enough to get into serious monogamous relationships before late 20s or older. The men can still be in spread their seed/play the field form. They fall into having gfs because its the standard, society thing to do .. and because they like the regular sex and company etc. But they're not relationship material (some might never be) and if you see signs of that, you need to get rid asap. Not wait for them to dump you or hang onto the idea that they were the one, or you were going to marry them, etc etc.

He's not the one, he wasnt going to marry anyone in the near future, or if he did he was still going to be behaving like the above.

How can you say he is 'The One' when as soon as he spits his dummy out over the footie that he meets up with his old shag buddy?

He ogles other women when you dont like it
All these things are part of the bigger picture and will only get worse.
Retain your dignity and block him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the past he said ‘it’s just a like’ whereas as I blew up at him this time round, so he said ‘I can like what I want

He's right. He can like what he wants. And if he prioritises clicking 'like' on those things above keeping you happy, then that means that clicking 'like' is more important to him than you feeling ok. That's entirely his choice. He is responsible for that, and he's made his feelings clear. Don't bank on him being different in the future. You can't love a 'future-him' today. You can only love the 'today-him' today.

Your responsibility in life is to choose people who prioritise your feelings appropriately. You are responsible for choosing what is appropriate and what is not. That's it. For a happy life, that's all you have to do.

Don't wait for this guy to change his mind. Change yours. Do it now. It'll change your life. Only accept people from now on who respect your feelings. So, he's out. Anybody else, whilst you're at it? Do you need to distance yourself from any friends or relatives who keep pissing you off?

I did this: a cull. There was no drama, I just pulled back from people, quietly. Spent less and less time with them, responded to them more slowly, and eventually, the non-valuables drop away because they don't really care about you. Those who are worth keeping will continue to make an effort, and say 'You've gone a bit quiet, are you ok..?'

Let him go, OP.

I’m so confused and something in my gut is telling me he’s thrown a good life away and maybe one day he’ll realise

What does your gut tell you about you, and what you should do? Your gut isn't there to direct other people. If it tells you he's walked away from a good thing, that's fine, but don't you try to correct his mistake. It's a mistake indeed, but your job is to stay away from people who make hurtful mistakes with your feelings.

@HacerSonarSusPasos

"The one" will not spend his days ogling semi nakes women on social media, nor will he want to meet other women behind your back out of spite.

Preserve your dignity and raise your standards. Let this one go.

100% this. Be glad this all happened before you got married - you've had a VERY lucky escape!

It all really started 3 weeks ago when I mentioned to him (not the first time) why he had such a thing for liking photos of half naked girls. Now am I being unreasonable? A model, ok that’s fine. But a local girl with a few hundred likes with her bits out, maybe not so much?

Do some men actually do this? Seems like something a simp or a "nice guy" would do.

Why did you think this loser was 'the one'?

It's hurts when you think there're the one until you realise they are sleazing all over other women, finding one that doesn't is like gold dust. Messaging is ex shag totally out of order.
It will get better not having to put up with that behaviour in the long run will be the best thing for your sanity.

Op there is no such thing as ‘the one’. It’s a myth. Check out Clementine Ford on Instagram. She posted about this just today.

Sounds to me like he was a dick. You deserve better. Don’t tolerate someone walking all over your feelings and pushing your boundaries like that. X

Same as PP. there is no `’one”. It a ridiculous concept. There are actually tens of thousands of men you could be happy with. This is not one of them.

Pft, what are 'the girl issues' he is on about exactly? Wanting a decent respectful relationship where the man isn't suffering from littlebitchitis? Wow, us women, such hard work xD

Sounds more like he doesn't like not having everything HIS way.

Also...sorry but I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out he has as his head turned by someone else op.

I knew I would probably get this response as it’s not a normal and respectful thing to be doing.

I know he doesn’t (or let’s say, didn’t) respect me so I suppose I was blinded by that as I was in love with him.

I know deep down he is not right for me. There is plenty more things I could mention on here but it’s embarrassing that I let it slide for this long. I knew it wasn’t right, but I don’t actually know why (now) I accepted it at the time.

I understand I am ‘young’ and have plenty of time but it’s the feeling of having to do it all again, the trust etc.
It’s missing his family etc who are nice people (just unaware of what kind of boy they’ve raised)

I’ve accepted it’s over and it’s just getting over him.. hopefully the negative things (a few) will make me wake up suddenly and realise!

Many of us have put up with shitty behaviour in our teens and twenties that we wouldn't dream tolerate now in our 30s.

It's a natural process of trial and error that means you are now much clearer about what your boundaries and expectations are and more equipped to recognise red flags and weed out the bad ones earlier.

Be kind to yourself and celebrate the fact you didn't get stuck with this dud.