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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH works weekends for half the year, time to give an ultimatum?

36 replies

Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 09:37

My DH has always worked weekends for six months (April to September inclusive) at his current job. Before it wasn't much of an issue because his ex was a SAHM, and when we got together we didn't think much of it, although we never saw it as ideal. COVID came, he made some noise about working weekends being disruptive for family life, but not much was done. Last year he even made more noise but they really didn't resolve it. As it is, for half the year we actually have no overlapping time off. It also means he doesn't get to see his older DC beyond a couple of hours two evenings a week. I also end up doing most of the childcare and I work longish hours and definitely want a break in the weekends. We're at a financial position that he can give them an ultimatum, but knowing my DH I doubt he'll apply too much pressure. WWYD? Make a fuss with him? Pressure him to definitely give an ultimatum? Suck it up? I'm dreading the April, but I also know he'll probably be unhappy in any other job. He's very skilled but has no certifications and I know he feels old and thinks maybe he'll end up in retail again.

OP posts:
Onlyrainbows · 03/02/2022 13:57

I understand it if you own the business (it was the same with my dad) but if we don't necessarily need the income TO ME the pay to prices seems too high.

OP posts:
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 03/02/2022 13:57

@Onlyrainbows

I love our toddler, but he doesn't really talk yet, at times he only communicates with crying (we have an appointment for that in a few weeks) and he has complete meltdowns that can go on for hours, he's definitely not the easiest one in that way. The other side of the coin is that he's fairly easy going after his nap.
We have a non verbal 3 year old (suspected ASD) who communicates via screaming as well as a 6 year old and a 7 year old… DH can handle them all, all day, just as I can. So he gets 2 days off a week with no toddler to look after, and you don’t? Just because you can ‘cope’ better? Fuck that.
Wnkingawalrus · 03/02/2022 13:59

Sounds like a great opportunity for your DH to learn to handle his own child.

Also think ahead a couple of years. That’s 2 days a week you won’t need to find childcare for the majority of school holidays.

Onlyrainbows · 03/02/2022 14:02

That's basically how I feel Shall we . I like having nice meals out and "exploring days" as a family. I'm definitely not very happy to give them up for six months

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Asterin · 03/02/2022 14:05

@Onlyrainbows

That's basically how I feel Shall we . I like having nice meals out and "exploring days" as a family. I'm definitely not very happy to give them up for six months
you can book annual leave during those 6 months though?
User2638483 · 03/02/2022 14:09

I’m not surprised he’s not fussed if he gets the house to himself 2 days a week and no childcare to do!
It would be lovely for his relationship with his 2yo for him to look after him at least one day a week, I don’t understand why he doesn’t do this

User2638483 · 03/02/2022 14:10

But I do understand you’d like some family days. Can he ask to work one weekend day or every other weekend?

stealthninjamum · 03/02/2022 14:11

Op I know the thread’s going off on a tangent but does your dh not want a relationship with his children? My exh left me to do the bulk of the childcare with a child with pda syndrome / autism and another with suspected adhd and now has no connection with them. They hate spending time with him and I have to invite him over to have any kind of relationship.

Op do you think he just doesn’t want to spend time with his kids? I would offer him the choice to give up working weekends or cancel the nursery on one day. I think my ex really regrets how things turned out now he has kids who don’t want to know him.

Onlyrainbows · 03/02/2022 14:25

His open to all sorts of suggestions from.his employer too but they haven't said anything over the years and I doubt they'll do anything now. I permanently WFH so Mory me having him around is a massive distraction (but that's minor). The way we have my annual leave arranged is that it's one week for Christmas (he has to take two as per his contract), one for some sort of holiday, one for visiting my family (or when they visit) and the other other random days are for when needed or half terms.

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Aboutcoffee · 03/02/2022 16:17

Mmmm... I'd say he like his two days off during the week a lot if toddler in nursery. Who wouldn't?

Can see why you are pissed off. If he was off weekends at least you could in theory share childcare.

Onlyrainbows · 03/02/2022 16:20

Exactly! About but that's the childcare side of it, I genuinely like to go out as a family both on our blended and non-blended weekends, I like the idea of being able to enjoy a weekend after a week's of hard work. Or go on a mini break, I miss having that freedom.

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