Honestly cannot stand dh right now

[Pregnantandmiserable]

Been signed off work with hg for a couple of months. I'm feeling totally fucking lousy, I've not left the house in months, I have no energy no matter how much sleep I get. I'm completely bloody miserable and I admit that but I am getting to the point I want to leave dh. He's being so reactive, to everything. Constantly arguing because he is taking offence to everything I say, how I say it, it's just constant and I'm so irritated by him I keep just avoiding him because I can't be bothered with him being such a victim and not just understanding that I'm feeling totally miserable and trying to keep on top of the house and toddler. I just haven't got the patience to be dealing with him constantly being annoyed at me. He keeps snarking at me "oh you're a beautiful person aren't you" very sarcastically, keeps berating me for being selfish. He was supposed to do something that he didn't do and when I asked him yesterday he started gas lighting me completely that I never asked him to do that, nope, first he has ever heard of it, I said that he needs to do blah and blah but not that. I said if you misunderstood you can say that but don't try and convince me something that happened didn't happen. He started laughing and saying oh am I gas lighting you again that's your favourite word lately. I said you are though that's literally the definition of it rather than admitting your mistake you're trying to make me feel crazy that I'm remembering something that didn't happen. I pulled up texts in the end that proved that I asked him multiple times and he got annoyed and was like oh I don't want to see your fucking texts.

He's just doing my absolute head in and I cannot stand him, I actively really dislike him at the moment and could bloody walk out and not come back. He is acting so hard done by and throwing his hands up and walking out the room when I speak cause I'm apparently having a go at him when I'm not, he's hanging up on me mid sentence on the phone and again saying I'm having a go at him again. I told him this morning I really don't like you and he just arrogantly said "feelings mutual love"

I'm just done with him things were fine before pregnancy but to be honest I don't think I even like him anymore let alone want to live with him

I appreciate that he's getting up with toddler everyday and doing bed time and working full time

Why is he getting up with the toddler and doing bedtime everyday?

It sounds like he could be resentful and exhausted that he is having to do everything.

Could you take the toddler to your mums or somewhere in the evenings?
It sounds like you’re getting under each other’s feet a lot and need some space.

When he gets in at night can you go somewhere and come back in the morning before he leaves for work? He has the toddler and you get some much needed rest.

If everything was genuinely good before, if he's always been a good partner and dad, there is a chance that his patience is almost non-existent because he's exhausted.

He's working full time and looking after a toddler when he isn't at work. It doesn't mean it's OK to be vile to you, but it also sounds like you're being pretty hard on him.

You are ill. You're tired. He's tired. You then get in a resentful loop, irritating each other. Could you try calling a truce, and starting again? Seeing each others' side, pulling together to get through this bumpy bit?

If either or both of you aren't willing to try that, then you may not have a marriage left by the time the baby arrives.

@WonderfulYou

I appreciate that he's getting up with toddler everyday and doing bed time and working full time

Why is he getting up with the toddler and doing bedtime everyday?

It sounds like he could be resentful and exhausted that he is having to do everything.

Could you take the toddler to your mums or somewhere in the evenings?
It sounds like you’re getting under each other’s feet a lot and need some space.

Do you know what HG is? I couldn’t do anything with my son when I had it. If I moved I vomited. If I even thought about opening the fridge let along actually opened it I vomited. Damn right my dh looked after our son as much as could when he was home as I was physically incapable. I’m sure he was exhausted but so was I throwing up multiple times a day. Her she sounds like a right wanker right now and whatever his reasons he needs to talk to her about it rather than being a fucknugget.

Why is he getting up with the toddler and doing bedtime everyday?

The lucky lucky people who don't know what HG is like. I would set goals like, 'can I answer the front door without vomiting?'. That was only sometimes achievable.

@WonderfulYou maybe crack a book and learn why she can't do the childcare with HG.

If things were fine before the pregnancy then it sounds like it could be a case of you both being exhausted and fed up and not communicating and feeling supported (though it sounds like he has gone a few steps further, being rude and gaslighting is worse than being snappy and grumpy imo)

Only things I can think of are setting some ground rules about how you communicate (eg no name calling, blaming, being honest, letting each other speak and acknowledging what the other has said, no sarcasm- that beautiful person comment is just nasty) or marriage counselling to help with this.

Do you think he wants to resolve things though? And do you, even if he goes back to normal will you be able to get past this?

Just leave. You don't need this stress when you're pregnant.