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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with a jealous, ungrateful, spiteful former friend?

23 replies

lollie13 · 01/02/2022 12:41

Here's my little story...
Apologies for the long read though...
I was reading up on revenge stories and came across this site and decided to join since there was a few stories and comments that were quite funny and insightful.
I had a friend till quite recently, literally last week. We were friends for almost a year and a half. Our friendship started with me being her personal trainer for a while. After the training stopped we became house friends and things were going alright. Bearing in mind that I never really have girl friends due to unnecessary drama. But this seemed to go quite well.

She then last year started 'dating' (more of a fling from his side) a friend of ours which was not supposed to have been serious, or at least that is what he told us. She however fell madly in love with this man, 20 years her junior, and things went south. My husband and I got married before they parted ways, so they attended as a couple. Right after the wedding though, she got into some trouble with the land lord and his mother in law which ended up in her needing to move out immediately. We welcomed her into our home and tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible until we found her another place. We accommodated her as well as all her belongings and her daughters that came to visit every second week for a month and a half. I helped her look for another place, with the application for rent, moving out of where she was and into the new place. All this happened while the 'bf' was planning on breaking up with her. Soon after she moved into the new place he did break up with her. This did not end well, for any of us. So, after living with us for a month and a half, she ended up on my couch for another 2 months crying and drinking herself into a stupor every night, because she could not be alone at home. This drove us as a newly wed couple just a little out of our minds as you can imagine.
We were all supposed to go camping Dec but only she joined and were still very bitter. This being said, the former 'bf' as been a friend of ours for more than 5 years, a lot longer than her and I have been friends. It was difficult since my husband had to see and talk to him in secret out of fear that she might find out and have another breakdown.
We accommodated her and her daughters for Christmas so they would not spend it alone, then new years the same. Up till then it was an everyday thing and it became very exhausting to entertain her all the time. I had no time with other friends and god forbid she found out if I saw any of them and I had no alone time with my husband.
I started putting my foot down with her so I can have a bit of freedom.
Her jealousy has sent her onto a spree where she started talking crap about me and my husband behind our backs. She has started lying to me about random stupid stuff. She makes up stories and then feed the he said she said to other people we know. We had a falling out last week because she started with one of her bs stories and lies. I called her bluff and she exploded on me calling me all sorts of names and insulting me etc. That I could handle, but when she claimed that we have never done anything for her and that I am neglecting her and that she is jealous that I spend time with other friends, I simply lost all words. I left the place we were at and she has since blocked me, which is fine, but she is now messaging my colleagues at work making trouble. I am so pissed off really and just want to pull her off her high horse so she can come crashing back to earth. I am out on revenge unfortunately. This has got to stop and she has to realize that spite is going to bite her in the butt.
What do I do? She is trying to turn everyone that I know and have known for years against my husband and I. It is really irking me right now.

OP posts:
RunningInTheWind · 01/02/2022 12:46

For someone who doesn’t like drama, that needs commercial breaks to read.

TheFoundation · 01/02/2022 15:15

I am so pissed off really and just want to pull her off her high horse so she can come crashing back to earth. I am out on revenge unfortunately. This has got to stop and she has to realize that spite is going to bite her in the butt

Your friendships have been dramatic because you are being dramatic.

The adult thing to do here is nothing. Ignore her, and she'll get bored. It's not your job to change her. It's your job to be responsible for your own happiness, which means staying away from this school-level stuff.

Walk away. Let her talk.

AlDanvers · 01/02/2022 15:19

Bearing in mind that I never really have girl friends due to unnecessary drama

Yeah, no. That's weird.

You want revenge and also say female friends cause unnecessary drama? With you being the common deniminator.

You sounds like she is struggling and making poor decisions. You don't sound very pleasant. You also sound Mike you have an internalised misogyny issue.

Good luck with that. 👍

SunflowerTed · 01/02/2022 15:22

I think your kindness and hospitality would wear me out. Who takes all of that on in a fairly new friendship ??????

MichelleScarn · 01/02/2022 15:22

Rightio, you came across MN while looking for ideas on how to get revenge on people and you're not the drama seeker?! Hmm

phizog · 01/02/2022 15:24

She is trying to turn everyone that I know and have known for years against my husband and I

If someone you've only known for 18 months can turn all your friends against you and your husband, they're not very good friends tbh...

The best thing to do is just ignore her, avoid her, delete her. It's not your job to teach her a lesson or show her the error of her ways. And live your life recognising crappy behaviour and just cutting it out of your life, rather than waste precious time fuming over it.

TopTabby · 01/02/2022 15:25

Come on now, be dignified. You don't need revenge.

If she's as bad as you say then everyone will soon realise exactly what she's like.
Deep breaths, move on & enjoy some time with your new dh.

HadEnough798 · 01/02/2022 15:41

"Bearing in mind that I never really have girl friends due to unnecessary drama."

errr.... what?

Either you're incredibly unlucky in exclusively picking the wrong people to be friends with, in which case I suggest you work on your judgement and taste and find some better mates, or you yourself are in fact the one causing the drama.

None of my wide circle of excellent female friends have ever 'caused drama'. If they did I'd send them packing.

alltalknobaby · 01/02/2022 15:46

I think you’re the drama OP.

Rosebuud · 01/02/2022 15:47

I think maybe you don’t need to cause drama op with all your revenge needs? Maybe try to look at it in a mature way?

GodMarkus · 01/02/2022 15:57

I'm glad I don't have to deal with any of them... I don't have any legal obligations!

Because they are not humans I have created with my mind nor due to signing up to be Law enforcement, Social services, Child services Mental health service or military service!

frogswimming · 01/02/2022 16:42

@alltalknobaby

I think you’re the drama OP.

This.

Cherrysoup · 01/02/2022 17:04

Just ignore her, bloody hell.

PlanetNormal · 01/02/2022 18:49

Your post reads like something a teenager would right. Block her on everything, ignore her completely and focus on growing up and behaving like an adult yourself.

CakeMonster001 · 01/02/2022 18:53

You both sound bat shit crazy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/02/2022 18:55

Whatever’s gone on be grateful she’s blocked you and draw a line under it. You’re courting serious additional drama if you pursue any sort of revenge or retribution.

I’d be more concerned that friends of much longer can be so easily turned by someone they haven’t known long.

Puffflashpuffflashbang · 01/02/2022 18:58

@MichelleScarn

Rightio, you came across MN while looking for ideas on how to get revenge on people and you're not the drama seeker?! Hmm
This. Anyone who says they aren't friends with women to escape drama are always the dramatic nightmare themselves. Grow up. Move on.
layladomino · 01/02/2022 19:14

Weird that you think female friends cause drama. I've never had that experience. Plus, your op reads as though you might enjoy (or possibly create) some drama?

No real friend of yours would believe lies that someone tells about you. If they believe the lies then they weren't your friends to start with.

If she is lying then just ignore her. Ignore the lies. She will soon get tired of it.

Hdhr8jsj · 01/02/2022 19:20

OP, she's not your friend and likely never was. She's an emotional user.

Move on and ignore her. Friends of ++ years won't believe a word she says.

Be glad to have her out of your house.

...and other posters, this is relationships not Aibu.

converseandjeans · 01/02/2022 19:45

I think you're getting a hard time on here. You've been really kind & she's ungrateful. Just move on & appreciate the time you will have to yourself & DH.

Jayban · 01/02/2022 20:03

People are being very unkind and so judgmental here I think - actually quite insulting of the OP. We don’t know the whole story or the people. All I would add is that smear campaigns can be very painful when conducted against an innocent party. Something usually undertaken by narcissists.

wantanewlife · 01/02/2022 20:10

Just ignore. Block and ignore. No drama needed

katieg03 · 01/02/2022 21:52

You went camping in Dec??? Jeez I hope you don't live in the UK

Both sound as bad as each other. Take on revenge? Honestly grown ups just go non contact and get on with their own lives. Less drama for everyone

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