this man here needs help

[Austin333]

Hey my name is austin I’m 25 years old, English is not my first language but I will do my best so you guys understand me.
I really need your help cause I can’t take that no more so please help me I can’t even share this with people in real life cause a man should not have feelings in our culture , anyway , So I met this girl before 5 years, we loved each other so much , that girl did everything to be with me , she loved me so much and I loved her too , we spent the first 2 years so happy I thought I found my soul mate and I was ready to propose to marry her , I shared with her everything , my dreams , fears .. ect , she shared with me the same dreams , she was always encouraging me thinking I’m great , but after the first two years she turned to be a different person completely , she started to disrespecting me but not directly ’’ she call it saying the truth’’ so she start making fun about my dreams saying there are old now and I should change my mind , also she will make fun about the things I was telling her when we first met saying we were stupi* , also she will treat me like if she is a teacher not my fiacee she said that I need to improve my personality , she hate that I’m smiling all time saying that’s not attractive also she keep saying I’m too nice , when I try to act like any man she will turn to make fun of it or she get angry , for example she is afraid of darkness she can’t even bring her stuffs from the next room at night if I go and bring it for her she will say for example so you are strong that what you trying to prove , also she keep saying that I’m not strong like I think , someone was trying to break our door and I went to check what’s happening and she get angry telling me to stop acting this way the guy must be 6.3 and I’m only 5.9 , .
She say that a man that his parents don’t respect him is not a man and he will never be able to gain anyone respect , well I have 3 bros and one sis I was always the one to be there for my parents helping them , treat them good but they still prefer my other bros and sis even if they treat them bad , and she knows that hurts me but she keep saying you cannot even control your parents and that I’m weird and she never met anyone like my personality , the crazy part is my family think she is right and my bros and sis too .
If for example we are outside walking with another person she will walk front of us telling me she is trying to open the way for us .
Other things that she do , for example if I tell her I’m great or good in something she will go find someone better and come telling me he is better and why you cant handle me telling you the truth .
She keep buying those personality improve books and read them telling me to do that to .
She is obsessed with watching serial killer doc .
I cant even tell her something or if someone told her a normal thing she will think about it all day and try to find bad meaning after it , she will say im naïve and I wont understand those things.
Im done with this stuffs and I left her, she get mad telling me you will just go for a simple girl that will keep telling you yes and sharing those stupi] dreams with you , but everyone will left me cause nobody live this way or dream those dreams .
I met a new girl , actually a queen and im ready to do anything to make her happy , but I get so mad cause I feel like she will know my truth someday and will treat me the same ’’ idk what that truth btz that what my ex was telling me ‘’
for example the last week my new girl made a compliment when we visited our parent telling me your parents must be thankful you treat them that good and I get so hurt I felt like she is telling me you too nice and they don’t even love you that much .
I also start to feel everything I dream about or looking for is so stupi] and not enough and even simple things I preferred before , even the smallest things like drinking coffee at night I will stop that cause she said that weird and no one do that.

I know all that sound weird , I need your help I ready do .

What do you mean you met a new girl? Is it over with the nasty one?

It sounds like you were in an abusive relationship.
You may need time to process this before getting into another relationship.

Is it possible you come from a family where there was also abuse in the form of you being treated by your parents as if you were not as good as your siblings? ( this is called scapegoat vs golden child dynamics). Often this can cause us to subconcioualy choose abusive partners.

You need to educate yourself about the signs of abusers. It sounds like the first woman used "love bombing" for example. Which is a common abuser tactic.

Not all men or all women are abusive. So hopefully this new lady is nice. But you need to be aware of how to spot abuse and that you need to leave as soon as possible if you begin to see signs.

You would be wise to learn about the signs signs dating tbh. And perhaps having dome councilling to help you process your past experience.

But if you insist on continuing to date this new lady then please take things slow. Don't rush into any big commitments like marriage or living together. And do some serious reading on red flags of abuse. Read about narcissistic personality disorder (and sociopathy) which many abusers have.

There are some good youtube bloggers such as melanie tonia evans on npd.

Oh and most importantly: always listen to your gut feelings. Unfortunately it is common for people to fall out of one toxic relationship and into another. Until they do the work on learning a. How to spot these people quickly and b. To develop healthy boundaries so that they do not tolerate bullies. This second part is where counciling may be necessary, however, practicing being very aware of how other people make you feel (and how you feel about yourself after spending time with them) can also help.