Should I call it off?

[loveleopard]

People might guess who I am from previous posts.
Basically I've been with DP 10 years, house, 2 kids - youngest being 3 months old.
I had hyperemesis and it was awful, and DP just didn't seem to care. He said he thought I was making myself worse etc. I then had PND and he was good with that getting me through it.
But he's just changed so much. He gets angry easily, doesn't sleep in bed, he keeps asking me if I'll have sex with another man so he can watch.
Someone I know (I met him through his mum she's older than me, he's my age) has admired me for a while. He'd send the odd message but never anything out of line. He'd always say he wanted to be there for me when I told him about how I was being treated.
DP says he wants to buy me out of the house. I've been at my mums with the 2 kids since Christmas. But then in the next sentence he says he wants to talk? I gave up work to be a FTM, he pays for everything I own.

I've been meeting up (well twice) with the guy I mentioned. We've held hands and briefly kissed.
He made me feel amazing. I can't remember the last time someone held me hand or kissed me without it wanting to lead to sex. He says he wants to support me even if we don't end up being anything romantic. I can't stop thinking about him. After losing my sister last year, a difficult pregnancy, PND, constant arguments and abuse.. it just feels nice to be in the company of someone who thinks so much of me.

I'm playing with fire.. what do you think?

I would be concerned this guy is predatory. To be trying to strike something up with you so soon after your separation, plus you have very young kids.
You also are coming out of an abusive relationship and you need some time to reflect and rebuild your self confidence and esteem so you don't make the same mistakes again.

I would say call It off.

I think you need to end your current relationship and stay single for a while. Focus on yourself, who you are, your confidence and self esteem and boundaries. You’ll need all your time and energy to rebuild your life, find work, get a home sorted and take care of your DC, without another man as a distraction.

I doubt this man who barely knows you really wants to “support you” even if no sex or relationship is on the cards - wanting to be friends and be nice to you is an age-old line from men who think that you’re so starved of affection and love that you’ll be desperate for their kindness and let them talk you into bed.

But if he does just want to be supportive of you whilst you end your relationship and focus on yourself and your children then I’m sure he’ll understand that there won’t be any more kissing and cuddling and hand holding, and to give you space, won’t he?

I'd be suspicious that new man has homed in on a vulnerable woman. He could be lovely, he could be a predator. You won't know until much later.

But in all honesty - give yourself time to recover from your previous relationship. I'd suggest at least 12 months on your own.

Can you look at going back to work (when ready) and getting housed, if he'll buy you out? How long can you be at your mums? Is your ex paying maintenance with a proper regular standing order?

Thanks everyone. In honesty we've been sending the odd message here and there since 2019 before I got pregnant and before I was in this position.
Ex isn't paying anything yet. I've been here almost 5 weeks and he's sent £20. Oh he sent me some money for petrol too for the school run but that's it.
I can stay at my parents as long as I like as far as they are concerned but obviously at 34 it isn't ideal.
I might just keep it light and see how it goes. Wait for things to pan themselves out kind of thing. X

As others said I’d just forget about men right now and being supported by one. Stay at your parents, get some legal advice, end it with both of them and learn to stand on your own two feet before getting into any further relationships. You owe it to your children to sort yourself out.