research on mothers role on child development

[fordfiesta]

Does anyone know where i can find some decent research on the mothers role in peranting..... I am a single mum going to court soon to sort out some visitation issues with ds father. I am more than aware of how important his father is in his life and for his future development (there is so much info about it these days i would be pretty ignorant not to be aware!) I just need to find something that will fight my corner a little..... evey thing seems to have gone pro father (in some cases quite appropriatly) mad and i can find nothing to support the mothers role!!!

How old is your LO?

ds 2.5. I have no desire to stop ds seeing his dad at all just disagree to what he wants at the moment.... (Please dont shout at me if you think i am wrong) He wants ds every other weekend (fine if he lived local) but he live 2.5 hours away, i think ds is to young to do this at the moment. Ex dp has an Aunt living 10 miles away and i have asked until ds is a little older for him to either do night visits there or to do one w/e visit a month to ex dp's home and to do one visit here.....

I don't think that it is appropriate for your EXDP's aunt to take care of your DS on overnight visits to his father and I doubt very much that that argument would stand up in court. The issue is only about sharing your DS between you and his father - what role should your DS's great-aunt be playing in his upbringing? Answer: none at all.

At 2.5 your DS ought to be able to spend at least one night a fortnight with his father. So I think that what your EXDP is asking for is eminently reasonable.

Sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear.

i meant for ex to look after ds at his aunts.... it would (should) not be his aunt doing the caring. i do not want this to be critisms of the choices surrounding visitation of ds just need some information on where to find some info. Have never stopped ex seeing ds just dont feel that it is ds who should be doing the traveling ALL the time just because it suits his father.

Am so angry for ex for moving so far away. It is not for a relationship or anything like that and whilst he has a right to suit him self i feel it is sad that he is not putting ds first........ i wont believe that seeing ds once a fortnight is putting him first.... living locally and putting up with a few financial hardships (god knows i do) but seeing ds on a far more frequent basis is putting his son first! GRRRR I guess what the concensus is that he will win in court and sit there with his infuriatingly smug grin when the judge tells me i am wrong!!! Have a feeling 2008 is going to be an incredibly difficult year!

ex has suggested that we split the journey as then he wont get so tired (something he knows i am worried about) so now i am stuck in a 'well why should i be doing any driving?' and 'if he has an accident i will blame myself because i would not share the driving' scenario. Dont however feel it is right to be handing over a small child in a layby.

moved back to live with his mum.... he is not getting paid any more in new job just does not pay any rent..... his mum says he does not have to because he HAS to pay his son maintainance!!!!!!!

I still don't think that your request that DS be cared for by your EXDP at the aunt's house will go anywhere in court - it's a very unusual request and I don't know what argument you could possibly use to support it.

I agree entirely that you should not be handing a small child (or any child) over in a layby. How about you do the outward journey (so that you deliver your DS to a rested EXDP) and your EXDP do the return journey?

FIL is a nightmare i would never trust him to care for ds...... just totally irresponsible (a serial gate leaver opener, nut feeding to 18 month old, hooking child to top of door frame by dungaree straps because it is funny..... sort of person) but guess i dont have the choice! Mil is more sensible. Am however disapointed with them as since dp and i have split they have only seen ds twice (in 18 months) despite that they have a holiday home an hour away so dp could have taken ds up to them or they could have come down whenever they wanted. Nothing is going to make me happy is it. Ds is to precious to take risks with and dp is very much like his father, loves our son but totally ignorant to the concept of risk, if you are in a relationship this is not such an issue as you have an element of control over environment etc. It also makes me cross that as a mother i go on peranting courses, have regular chats with health visitor etc and would not be considered a very wise mum if i choose not to have this information. but dp does not feel this is relevant to him as he can manage with out thanks very much!!!

OK, so the issue is really that your particular EXDP is not a very responsible father?

You can't use general arguments about the role of mothers / fathers in upbringing (as you suggest in the OP) to support your argument about your particular EXDP's shortcomings as a father. But you could put together a document that lists those shortcomings - the court may or may not take them into consideration.

anna... part of the issue yes is his view of and ability to risk assess.... dont think i would be a 'normal' mum if these issues did not concern me. But i am also concerned re the travelling and continue to maintain that it is not fair that ds be put in a position where he is forsed to do the travelling. I totally accept that he has a right to see how his father lives and be involved with his life, as i have said before i have read so much research into it that i would be a fool to ignore it, i just wish that ex would wait a little longer until ds has some degree of understanding of risk and why he is doing what he is being asked to do.

by the way anna, good idea to put a list of my concerns together.

The mother is by far the most important influence on a child. Fro instance there are studies that show the death of a mother is catastrophic for a child in terms of future development where the death of a dad is actually pretty insignificant (I am not talking abotu grief, just development long term after the death).

I will try to hunt some stuff out for you but it might not be till after 2nd Jan when uni opens again. When is your court date?

As a parenrt the best thing you can do is be responsive to your childs individual needs. If you provide that in a positive nurturing environment they evidence says they generally turn out very well, provding no pathology is involved. If an environment becomes abusive though, it turns out very bad.

The current evidencve on the whole nature/nurture is that good nurture is what's stated above and kind of lets the 'nature' part take care of itself, but if the nurture is crappy then it has an adverse effect on the nature too.