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Original poster

Am I Crazy

10 replies

confused202212 · 31/01/2022 09:29

Good morning,

I am in a dilemma and I will probably sound crazy but here it goes.

I have been seeing someone for a little over a month and it was going really well. Exclusivity was implied but we didn't really have a chat about it explicitly. I found out recently that he lied about spending time with his family but he went on a date. His reason is he wanted to see if he will feel the same way he feels about me with someone else. He wanted to see if he was developing feelings for me instead of feelings of lust .

He says he now wants to be exclusive as he knows what he feels about me is real. Up until now , everything has been going well. He is a good guy and I can see myself settling down with him but I feel really hurt . I think I am more hurt by the lie he told about spending time with a family member. If he had been honest about what he was doing , I would not be as hurt.

I know a month of dating is nothing but I need outside perspective if I am justified to throw him back . I don't want to set a precedent where he thinks it's ok to lie .

Sorry that was long . Thank you Smile

OP posts:
gobbledygoook · 31/01/2022 09:44

"Exclusivity was implied but we didn't really have a chat about it explicitly"

So if you hadn't had the "chat" and agreed to be exclusive, then you're both not in the wrong to go on other dates. However the lie about seeing family would annoy me, either you think you're not exclusive so you're doing nothing wrong, or you think you're doing something wrong, and lie!

Tbh, it's been just over a month. Unless you're going to say he's the last man in a small town and you're nearly 100 and want to feel love one more time, I'd suggest cooling things off and perhaps finding someone who doesn't want to date other people too.

Original poster
confused202212 · 31/01/2022 18:24

@gobbledygoook

"Exclusivity was implied but we didn't really have a chat about it explicitly"

So if you hadn't had the "chat" and agreed to be exclusive, then you're both not in the wrong to go on other dates. However the lie about seeing family would annoy me, either you think you're not exclusive so you're doing nothing wrong, or you think you're doing something wrong, and lie!

Tbh, it's been just over a month. Unless you're going to say he's the last man in a small town and you're nearly 100 and want to feel love one more time, I'd suggest cooling things off and perhaps finding someone who doesn't want to date other people too.

Thank you for your reply. That is what I thought. The trust is gone now . If he had told me he was going on a date , I could have been ok with it but he lied. I just needed to hear that I am not crazy
OP posts:
Lightstoobright · 31/01/2022 18:45

I really don't believe his reason for going on the date. I think someone caught his eye and he wanted to see if he fancied her more than you.

Pinkbonbon · 31/01/2022 18:57

Well his reason is a pile of bullshite. If it was just the date then I would think you were being wholey unfair to be mad at him as you are not exclusive yet and he has every right to keep dating other people. And of course he should have lied about it because its not polite to say 'I'm of on a date with someone else!'. So I don't understand your issue there.

But on the back of the bs excuse alone I'd bin him off xD why couldn't he just have owned it? 'Ah, you caught me, yes she was nice but I'm really quite enjoying our time together. Do you want to be exclusive?'.

It's a month in and you sound a bit overly invested tbh. I don't think you two are on the same page.

ReadySteadyTwins · 31/01/2022 19:01

Yes he's talking shite.

He's playing the field. He knew that wasn't ok in your dynamic, because otherwise he wouldn't have lied about it.

And to give such a laughable excuse to your face. Time to throw this one back.

Catcrazy83 · 31/01/2022 19:08

Exclusivity was implied from the beginning? How? This would make some difference. But Ye, lying is never a good sign.

WhiteHearts · 31/01/2022 19:35

@Lightstoobright

I really don't believe his reason for going on the date. I think someone caught his eye and he wanted to see if he fancied her more than you.
This.

I didn't need to go on a date with someone else to know how I felt about boyfriend and neither did he.

Bobachox · 31/01/2022 22:17

I’m a bit of an idealist so there would be no way I could progress things with someone who wasn’t 100 percent invested in me from the moment he laid eyes on me!

He shouldn’t have needed to check his feelings…the fact he did shows he wasn’t sure about you and that’s a red flag to me and definitely not how I’d want to start a long term relationship.

Find someone more worthy of you

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 31/01/2022 22:22

He’s hedged his bets and wants to shag you more then her.
Lucky you! A prince amongst men.Not. He’s not settling down materiel he’s binning off material

TheFoundation · 31/01/2022 22:31

He needs to have a date with someone else to work out how he feels about you?

What?

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