Dating after 50?

[ElectraBlue]

I find myself single again at 51 after dumping someone I had been seeing (and had known for years as a friend) when the relationship became abusive. I wonder if anyone had any luck finding a decent partner in their 50s and how they did it?

I have lost a lot of trust and confidence after being let down by my last relationship. The fact that a man I had known for years as a friend could turn out to be abuser has been really hard to deal with. But I also don't want this affecting me to the point where I lose all my trust in people and give up on love.

But how exactly do you date when you are in your 50s? I am on one dating website and no luck so far. Would be great to any tips or hear success (or failure) stories.

I am not looking for someone to marry and I would happy on my own if that is to be me my fate , but I would also enjoy companionship and shared interests if I can find someone who brings something positive to my life.

Not quite sure if internet dating is the way to go or what are the best sites to use or if I should instead concentrate on my hobbies/interests and hope to meet new people that way.

I don't really meet anyone through work either as it is a small office/organisation and we mostly work from home.

I'd say definitely concentrate on hobbies/interests. The 'older' dating sites are a minefield. There is the occasional profile which seems 'normal' but there's likely to be a distance between you, or he's lying about being widowed, or he's dating lots of other people, etc. I don't know about you but I cannot be doing with travelling distances just to meet someone who you may not click with anyway. Even if you do click with them, you have to arrange dates like appointments. Much better to click with someone through a hobby IMO.
What interests do you have?

hi OP, I have just gone back on a dating site and I'm 51. I only went on yesterday, but so far it's going well! (I'm chatting to lots of men, and there's a couple I'm really interested in meeting up with).

I don't think it's as easy as saying meet people in RL. I don't go out of the house to work much, and most of my colleagues are gay! Plus my main hobby is yoga and apart from the teacher they're mostly women too!

I have had 2 relationships from OLD since I divorced 6 years ago. I'm optimistic my third is on the way too.

I was thinking of starting a thread yesterday for daters in their 50s! Perhaps we can share on here.

You don't have to choose between OLD and real-life dating. You can do both!

I'm 50 and had been single since last June and had tried OLD but given up and decided that I was going to stay single and didn't actually mind as I was enjoying it.
Then I went to a pub on my own to see a band and met a guy who I have so much in common with and we've been together ever since!
So it was definitely IRL with common interests for me, but I'd say keep your options open and never say never!

Hi....I met my partner online when I was 50. He's great and we are madly in love. We do share a hobby ...I decided I only wanted to date someone with this hobby . Together 2 and a half years now. I would definitely say it's possible to meet someone online but also say keep your options in 'real life' open too. Wishing you the very best !

I do agree that it's best to swipe on people who do what you enjoy doing. Luckily for me it's cycling and there are loads of MAMILs my age who are attracted to the idea of riding with me. I also like to sail, albeit in flat seas, and again there's loads of men who dream of sailing around the world!

I don't click on people who say they''re really into other hobbies e.g. motorcycles or F1 as I'm not interested in that.

My friend who's my age also met her partner at a meet up group in a pub. I agree, maybe try all avenues?

At 57 I too find myself single again so was interested in your post OP.

I'm not ready to start dating again yet as only left my DH 1 month ago so still early days and struggling a little with the heartbreak of it all. I know I'll get through it, just need to sort myself out and massively reassess my boundaries before even going down the dating path again.
Which sites are you using, if that's ok to ask?
I know a few are aimed at over 50's but wondering if some are better than others?
Good luck with your dates btw.

The our time one is marketed so well but when I used it I couldn't find anyone who I thought 'we'd be compatible'.

It's worth staying on OLD a while, even if you aren't very active. You might not find someone you like the look of on the first day, but someone just your type might sign up a year later.

Thank you everyone for all the helpful replies so far!

@TheBoreOfHabilon: Thank you for your reply. My interests include art (visiting galleries, museums), films, music, swimming. I discovered a passion for horse-riding and have been learning to ride for the past 18 months or so. Would love someone who's horsey too!

@Sunsetboater : I have signed up to OK Cupid just because it was free and easy to join. I don't like the look of things like Plenty of Fish and I don't want to use Tinder. I don't really know that much about sites that are specifically for older daters but would appreciate suggestions.

It is really interesting that a few people mentioned Meet-Ups as I signed up for that as well last week. It looks like a really good way to actually do some fun activity and meet people at the same time so it appeals to me more than the usual dating treadmill...

I like Bumble and Hinge at the moment OP. I used OKcupid in a previous dating period and didn't like it that much. It all depends on where you live, but there are lots of potential matches where I live.

@Itsnotdeep thank you for suggesting Bumble and Hinge. I will have a look at that too.

How is everyone getting on with the dating? I have made a spring resolution to dive back into the dating / meetup world.

Can anyone recommend a particular dating sight for over 50s in London?

Wishing you luck with it all but after nearly the same situation as yourself after staying single for years and then dating someone I knew years ago and they turned out to be a narcissist and love bombed me and then showed their true nasty colours, never in my life had I been through something like that, those kind of people just set out to break your spirit. So could not be bothered with dating again as haven't the will for it. Less stressful single but wish you well.

anyone had any luck finding a decent partner in their 50s and how they did it?

Do you need to? I agree with the posts about hobbies etc. Just spend time joining clubs or doing things you enjoy if you meet someone you meet someone. Surely you don't need someone to fill the spot that desperately that you are actively looking. Just enjoy life and do things you enjoy the right person will pop up along the way when the time is right. After being on these boards a while there seems to be a link with finding the wrong kinds of people when actively looking in this way. It's like anyone will do until something happens then the desperation to fill the empty spot begins again. I don't get it.

Why not do both? It’s not like it has to be one or the other.

You’ll find plenty of tales of woe AND success from people on Mumsnet which might lead you to conclude that that’s a matter of chance, or perhaps a matter of the individual’s approach. I’m somewhere in between - aged 51 and although I haven’t met the love of my life, I’d say I’ve had great success in that almost all my dates have been good, I’ve had three relationships with decent, kind men post my abusive marriage which have been quite healing, I’ve learnt lots about myself as I e gone along, and have also had the best sex of my life!

I’ve started seeing a therapist alongside which has helped a lot, and feel like overall it’s been a great experience. Would I have been happier/more content leaving it to chance and taking up new hobbies? It certainly would have been a calmer time. But I’m on a quest to learn to have healthy relationships and staying safely wrapped up on my own isn’t going to do that.