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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Narcissistic collapse

14 replies

Namast3 · 30/01/2022 21:21

I've recently started the freedom programme. However I have been reading up on narcissism as my ex is a text book narcissist.
He gaslighted me, stonewalled me, made me feel so worthless, but when I left him finally, he called me the narcissist and then he attempted suicide. Its almost like he loss control and experienced some kind of mental collapse. Has anyone else's ex experienced this?

OP posts:
mybeautifulson · 30/01/2022 21:26

@Namast3

I've recently started the freedom programme. However I have been reading up on narcissism as my ex is a text book narcissist. He gaslighted me, stonewalled me, made me feel so worthless, but when I left him finally, he called me the narcissist and then he attempted suicide. Its almost like he loss control and experienced some kind of mental collapse. Has anyone else's ex experienced this?
Yes they cannot stand losing control of you. I've had suicide threats, mean and cruel messages, gifts, false promises of change....he's now with someone else. He had her waiting in the wings ready to fill up his narcissist supply. Now he's gone as he's busy love bombing her and I'm free except for divorce....
CecilyTheWake · 30/01/2022 21:27

Your ex is your ex. This means you no longer have to give him headspace or try to armchair diagnose him.

In the nicest possible way, stop over-analysing your past relationships to try and find answers and move on with your life.

Original poster
Namast3 · 30/01/2022 21:28

No, it's important because we've reached the welfare stage of court proceedings where cafcass are making their final recommendations. I have a visit coming up so this stuff is important.

OP posts:
CecilyTheWake · 30/01/2022 21:33

If that’s the case, you might have mentioned it in your OP rather than posting something vague about asking if anyone else has experienced a narcissist ex. This is Mumsnet - everyone knows a narcissist.

I’m afraid I have no experience of narcissism in relation to court proceedings.

Original poster
Namast3 · 30/01/2022 21:36

Then I'm unsure why you feel the need to be so abrupt on this thread and contribute precisely nothing?

OP posts:
CecilyTheWake · 30/01/2022 21:46

@Namast3

Then I'm unsure why you feel the need to be so abrupt on this thread and contribute precisely nothing?
I contributed a post nicely suggesting you don’t get into diagnosing an ex because your OP very much came across that you were idly musing post break-up.

You subsequently posted additional information that your OP actually related to a court case and needed help.

I’m sorry that I didn’t read your mind and know exactly what contributions you expected based on your OP. In future, if you are asking for specific information or experiences, perhaps make that clear.

Angrymum22 · 30/01/2022 23:05

I would be very wary about using a tick box diagnosis in any formal court proceeding. True narcissists rarely receive a formal diagnosis because they are completely unaware of their personality disorder so never seek counselling.
It may have been a lightbulb moment for you but there are many disorders that have cross over “symptoms”.
People often struggle when they want to end a relationship, particularly men, so often employ techniques that hurt and confuse a once loved partner. Men are useless at initiating a breakup so use strategies that force their partner to make the decision for them. The fact your art we let you leave suggests he is not a narc.

Angrymum22 · 30/01/2022 23:06

Art we should read partner

Original poster
Namast3 · 31/01/2022 05:58

He didn't let me leave. I was made to leave by the authorities.

OP posts:
Fangdango · 31/01/2022 06:09

I think you are probably better off describing his actions and their impact on you and others than speaking to court or cafcass in terms of a diagnosis you won't be able to prove, if that's what you have in mind. They'll presumably be used to all kinds of disordered personalities and dysfunctional relationships. The fact that the authorities made you leave will tell its own story. Well done for getting away and good luck.

draramallama · 31/01/2022 06:19

That's not unusual behaviour for an abuser. Abuse is about power. Trying to apply narcissist labels is unnecessary and unhelpful.

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 31/01/2022 06:54

Completely agree with the above posts. I had an ex who did similar and all you end up with during the court process are two people both accusing each other of the same over-used armchair diagnosis commonly assigned to attack those people we end relationships with antagonistically.

It is fairly common for the abusive partner to assume the role of victim and say they were the abused one. In your position I would do what I could to remain calm and avoid using words like narcissist - stick to the known facts during any court proceedings and work hard to ensure you come across like a credible, non-bitter person who just wants to solve the problems and move on.

2DogsOnMySofa · 31/01/2022 07:00

Don't diagnose him, he is what he is. With regards to the court proceedings stick to the truth.

Why were you made to leave by the authorities?

WhiteHearts · 31/01/2022 07:33

It depends whether you are asking how to manage the difficulties he might create or how the court will respond to being told he's a narcissist.

I would suggest that you describe his behaviours and ignore any labels.

You were forced to leave so there is already a record of his behaviours.

As for how you manage the impact of his behaviours on you during this time, unfortunately, I can't help with that.

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