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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

'Helpful' DH

16 replies

HelpfulDH · 30/01/2022 20:45

lighthearted

We went swimming as a family earlier. When we came back I was looking after both DC so DH said he'd fold some laundry to be helpful. I asked him if he would mind sorting the swimming bags first as they were full of wet stuff which he did.

I just discovered that what he did was:

-Chucked the swimsuits in the washing machine (and did not turn it on). I take the baby swimming on Mondays (which he knows) so finding our dirty wet swimsuits just sat in there in the morning would not have been helpful.

  • Chucked the dirty disposable baby nappy in the washing machine too for good measure
  • Left the wet towels in the bag for some reason
  • Left the bags lying around in the corridor

So what do you think, was it a poor effort or am I too critical?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/01/2022 20:46

Utterly pathetic. As I’m sure you know. Expect more from a grown adult who shares your home fgs.

KatharinaRosalie · 30/01/2022 20:46

weaponised incompetence, so you would not ask him to do it again.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/01/2022 20:47

Urgh hope he is fixing all of that and not you!

CheshireDing · 30/01/2022 20:47

Sounds like we married the same person OP

It’s a pita!

Ohyesiam · 30/01/2022 20:48

Pathetic is the word. What fires he have to say about it

Original poster
HelpfulDH · 30/01/2022 22:05

Thank you for validating my frustration!

DH is genuinely a good one usually but that was just crap! I also stupidly sorted it all myself when I realised... I often think if I want something done properly I need to do it myself but that only makes the problem worse long term.

I did talk to him seriously about it and he said he got distracted as he really wanted to fold some laundry for me as he knows I deal with laundry all week.

As I'm on maternity leave I've been doing most of the home/kids related stuff for a few months and sometimes he just seems completely out of touch with how things need to get done now. Sigh.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/01/2022 22:16

Ah, so it was your fault eh?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/01/2022 22:56

I often think if I want something done properly I need to do it myself but that only makes the problem worse long term.

Your rod your back, as they say. But I assume he can hold down a job and you chose to give your child him as a father so you hopefully don’t think he’s quite as useless as he makes out?

I did talk to him seriously about it and he said he got distracted as he really wanted to fold some laundry for me as he knows I deal with laundry all week.

What the actual fuck is all this? He’s a grown man. He shouldn’t need telling off for being a useless dick head.

He did it “for you” did he? Were they all your clothes? Nothing in their if his own his child’s?

Sigh

You might be sighing now, you’ll be seething if you choose to carry on living like this.

Flangeosaurus · 30/01/2022 23:00

Oh god another day another useless husband. Seriously. Expect/demand better because it’s shit to live like this. You are worth more than some absolute ballbag who pretends not to know towels need washed after swimming and who folds washing “for you”. Grim.

Shunter350 · 30/01/2022 23:03

He's being a pathetic moron. And I'm a bloke.
Don't give into "I'll do it myself then" attitude. I'll bet anything he'll still except cuddles at bedtime.
If you still want him as a partner then tell him to entertain himself until he alters his attitude to family life.
Being a parent his hard work, doubly so when one half of the outfit is hiding.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/01/2022 23:05

Why do you tolerate this shit? He is blatantly doing fuck all because he knows you'll pick up the pieces.

Pegasussnail · 30/01/2022 23:06

He put the dirty nappy in the washing machine??????

CanofCant · 30/01/2022 23:21

Tedious.

layladomino · 01/02/2022 19:57

Oh he sounds delightfully useless. He's either genuinely (and worryingly) useless, or he did it intentionally.

He even blamed you for it! So even though you specified which job would be more useful (which really ought to have been obvious to him) he couldn't do the job properly because he wanted to do something else.

Finding a dirty nappy in the washing machine would give me the rage. Surely noone is that incompletent.

Original poster
HelpfulDH · 01/02/2022 21:33

Oh it got worse too. There was actually a second nappy in there (I have a lot of spare nappies in the swimming bag just in case) which I hadn't spotted.

So when I ran the washing machine the next day and went to hang the clothes, they were all covered in millions of pieces of whatever stuff is inside nappies. I was pretty mad, it was all over the washing machine too. Baby is only doing 20 minute naps too and I spent them bloody shaking things off the clothes, sorting through what needed rewashing and hoovering bits off the floor.

Urghhh. 100% not intentional, but yes the fact he needed prompting that this was the most pressing job is pretty usual.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 01/02/2022 21:59

Pppffft. I would gave just air dried his clothes with the shit still on them and gave him them to wear. But I'm petty like that xD

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