Selfish mother?

[Confused455]

I have lived next door to my mother for 10 yrs. We could only buy the property because my MIL gave us the money. Now she needs to be looked after we are moving to a bigger property so she can move in. My mother has become very upset and told me she needs us to stay close because she is getting older too. My MIL is 90. My mother is in her 70s. She wrote me a letter telling me how unhappy she is. We live next door and she never does anything with our kids we hardly see her. Need some advice

How far away are you moving from your mum? If you don’t see much of her now with her next door then there’s no point in staying. You may even end up seeing her more as she’ll need to arrange to visit to see you

We aren’t even moving far. That’s what I thought. She might take more care with visits

Just write one back saying you owe MIL caregiving since she paid for your original house and that she's had you next door for a long time and now it's MIL's turn. She doesn't have to approve your decisions, you're an adult.

Sounds similar to my mother. Everything anyone does is viewed through the lens of how it affects her.

It’s a narcissistic trait (doesn’t mean the person in question is a full on narcissist) and it’s most likely that if you point out that they’re making something all about themselves, they won’t get it.

Imo all you can do is state facts directly but kindly, and accept that she may see this as a further affront. You’re an adult, it’s your life, and you can’t control her reactions.

Good luck xx

Your mum is probably lashing out because she doesn't want you to "loose you", just tell her firmly you'll still see each other and your not far away. Stick to your guns.