Trying so hard not to pick up the phone

[LittleKitten1]

I have established that I am feeling unhappy with how a new relationship is going. He's not that in to me.

It's been a couple of months. I've posted about it already this week and was given such helpful advice. From your help I am aware I have an anxious attachment style. And that he is not as available/ keen as I am.

I developed feelings very quickly and the physical side of the relationship is insanely good. But he leaves me hanging with messages, commitment to plans etc. and it just isn't any fun in between meets.. it hurts because I am in that Lust zone. I'm all over the place. And he is cool. He hasn't opened my last message, sent 16 hours ago! There was a chance we were seeing eachother today so I am disappointed not to have heard anything.

Sitting on my hand. Trying so hard not to reread previous messages, and trying not to text him.
I feel sick. And low.

Any advice on how I can stop feeling like this. Or make time pass quicker. Or anything really, any little distraction.

I do not want to contact him. I'm worrying that I will.

OP, in the nicest possible way, you are contemplating taking sleeping tablets due to a male you've known for a matter of weeks/months. You need to end this now before it makes you even more mentally distressed.

He sees this as casual, it seems that he has been pretty upfront about that, which is good. You don't want casual. He isn't going to change his mind, there's nothing you can do or say or change about yourself to make him want you.

Sorry, OP. I would end it now.

@ToastOnCheese

OP, in the nicest possible way, you are contemplating taking sleeping tablets due to a male you've known for a matter of weeks/months. You need to end this now before it makes you even more mentally distressed.

He sees this as casual, it seems that he has been pretty upfront about that, which is good. You don't want casual. He isn't going to change his mind, there's nothing you can do or say or change about yourself to make him want you.

Sorry, OP. I would end it now.

I thought exactly the same Just delete his messages and block him, not before you send a message saying that you are looking for someone who is more emotionally available and willing to active your effort into a relationship as opposed to just hook ups. Then block .

Tanning sleeping pills is disproportionate. Don’t assign him this level of significance just be glad he’s shown you what kind of man he is and that you’ve moved on.

Taking not tanning ffs

Sorry OP, don’t beat yourself up about it. Whilst I think you need to work on your anxious attachment style, I do think he’s just not that into you.

I too suffer with an anxious attachment style but, whilst I do have silly worries, deep down Ive never doubted how my partner feels. He does his best to understand and reassure me, making me feel wanted.

I’m so sorry but he’s just not the one for you. He wouldn’t be leaving you hanging for so long if he wanted to be in contact. It’s easier said then done but please stop losing yourself over this guy - it’s not you being anxious, it’s him simply not wanting what you want. Leave him before it gets harder for you

Hugs

I'm in a FWB, and you really need to have a very strong sense of what the set up is, what the parameters are, what the boundaries are, even down to agreeing the level of contact you're both comfortable with. It's a fine line for all concerned, and requires good communication.

I really don't think you and he are FWB material, as I'm sure that deep down you'll be hoping that something changes and he finally realises how much he's into you.

Don't change who you are or what you want to fit with him. I maintain he isn't necessarily a bad guy, I just think you're both operating on a misunderstanding.

End it, walk away and allow yourself time to be sad about the nice thing that has gone, but also take time to learn from it. What is your takeaway - that you're looking for a relationship and not just sex, that you'll ensure that you're clear with each other about this, that good sex is important to you but within a relationship that's working for you.

@LittleKitten1

The sex would be amazing though. He is nice and v caring when I actually do hear from him... it's just that it's intermittent and is not as keen as I am. I haven't broken it off I just want to take 2 steps back. I think. Or maybe I do want it to end.

www.goodreads.com/book/show/9473613-mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/

You asked what you could do to pass the time instead of fiddling with your phone and re-reading messages. Read these instead.

Just writing here to document it for myself.
I went 19 hours without looking at his messages he has sent. I left them unopened.
I then read them and waited half an hour before responded.
I know this is silly and nothing.
But this is so much better than where I was.
My head has felt clearer today. I have felt happier. Not anxious.

It makes me feel like backing off and even ending it completely is within easier reach than I thought a few days ago .. and coming out of it fine, still a functioning human.

Deep breath out

Well done, OP! That’s a huge step

Everything becomes about him, in your head. The longer he leaves it, the less there is of you.

What do you do for yourself, on a daily basis, that engages you, other than thinking of him?