Before I start, apologies for what is going to be a long post!
I've been married for 10 years, together for 16 and have a 6 year old.
Our relationship has had many, many ups and downs mainly due to hubby's drinking. Since daughter was born he managed to stay mostly sober apart from once or twice a year when he would drink for a couple of weeks then "sort himself out"
He has now been completely sober for 2 years as I told him last time that enough was enough and daughter was too old not to be damaged by me taking her to my mums when he had episodes of drinking.
My problem is now that he thinks all he had to do was get sober and everything would be fine. He can't see the damage all of the years of drinking did and that its only in the last 6 months or so that I've trusted the sobriety.
I can now admit to myself that years and years of tension either with the drinking or me waiting for the next inevitable lapse have taken their toll on both my wellbeing and my feelings for him.
I have also had some bad health due to long covid, arthritis and side effects of medication. I have not felt supported at all during all of this and he is constantly annoyed about the impact on our sex life.
While I can understand his frustration, he seems completely incapable of seeing my side of it and as a result we are now in a practically sexless marriage.
Finally (!) getting to my point, I know I need to leave. I'm relatively lucky in that I have a well paid job so not reliant on him financially but I'm on a contract just now so can't get a mortgage. I have started looking into private rent after being told I don't have enough points for council housing but every half decent property that comes up in our area has multiple applicants and landlord chooses "best" and I'm worried that a single mother without a permanent job won't be picked by landlords.
I know my husband doesn't want to split and I know my daughter would be heartbroken. Every time I think I've made my mind up and need to tell him, I chicken out and start worrying about my daughter and feeling guilty about how hurt he will be. The housing issue is just making it even worse as I need to have something in place to get the confidence that I need to make the break
Sorry for the long, long post but just wanted some feedback from anyone who had left a partner who didnt want to split (especially one with depression and /or alcohol issues) and some reassurance that I wouldn't be destroying my daughters life😢. Any magical cures for the housing crisis also greatfully received 😀