How do you move from friends to ‘more’? Is it ever a good idea?!

[Ostryga]

I’m incredibly close with a guy. We’re both single, but haven’t always been.

We hang out as friends do - drinks with our social group, meet up after work, have coffee etc etc.

He’s made it clear he would potentially want more if I did. We’ve never hooked up at all, not even kissed when wasted.

I like him a lot, he’s always there if I need him and vice versa. I just don’t know if I want to move towards something more than friendship. We’re very open with each other so I’m not ‘leading him on’ etc. he knows where I stand.

Is this even a good idea in the slightest?!

If you fancy someone then they aren't really a friend though...

Tbh I think I'd be a bit creeped out by someone that expressed romantic interest in me and continued to hang about afterwords even though I didn't reciprocate. That's not a mate, it's someone who is waiting for an 'in'.

But I guess if you do like them back and they have an incline that this is the case then that changes things.

I think you just have to be very clear with him about what you want the nature of the relationship to be moving forwards. And make sure he expresses that he is on the same page moving forwards. And if at any point he demonstrates the contrary, then be prepared to end things and walk away entirely.

As for a start off, id suggest 'how would you feel about going on a date?'.

@Pinkbonbon

If you fancy someone then they aren't really a friend though...

Tbh I think I'd be a bit creeped out by someone that expressed romantic interest in me and continued to hang about afterwords even though I didn't reciprocate. That's not a mate, it's someone who is waiting for an 'in'.

But I guess if you do like them back and they have an incline that this is the case then that changes things.

I think you just have to be very clear with him about what you want the nature of the relationship to be moving forwards. And make sure he expresses that he is on the same page moving forwards. And if at any point he demonstrates the contrary, then be prepared to end things and walk away entirely.

As for a start off, id suggest 'how would you feel about going on a date?'.

It's creepy to carry being friends with someone if you fancy them and they don't fancy you back? That seems very harsh! I would have lost multiple wonderful friends in my life if I'd have applied this rule, I've fancied various guy good friends who haven't felt the same and who remain really good friends to this day. OP is there any physical spark for you? Sometimes hard to know in this situation until you've actually kissed them so I reckon you should just do that.

The most authentic relationships begin as friendships! There is none of the false, best behaviour dating persona to deal with so you know exactly what you're getting into, then when old age sets in and the sexual side has faded you still have a best friend.

Personally, I would never consider a relationship with a guy who didn't want to get to know me on a platonic basis.

I don't see a downside - go for it OP ❤️

It could work out but it could end terribly too.

He could end up being a complete arsehole to you if ended up in a relationship. You wouldn't be the first or last person to have dated someone they thought was a good friend and good person only to find out that they are totally different once romantically and intimately involved.

Or it could simply end because one of you is feeling it and the other doesn't, you or him could end up heartbroken and the friendship would be ruined.

Or if you dated for a bit and it didn't work out but you remained friends then future partners might have an issue with you socialising together or having that close friendship in future so out of respect for them you two couldn't really hang out etc.

But as I said it could work out too and be the best relationship of your life.

I disagree with @Closetbeanmuncher though as my relationships started out as friendships and they were hell and I never want to start out a relationship like that again.

Are you being fair to him?

You are allowed to fancy people and to reject people for whatever reason. You do't have to hook up because he says he likes you.

I have never had any other type of relationship. To be sure there's compatibility and strong friendship first is a must for me. Sounds perfect (as long as you feel the same way he does)

How has he made it clear to you?

What do you fear might happen if you do try a romantic relationship with him? Are you afraid of losing the friendship? I think you kinda lost that anyway if he has declared romantic feelings for you.

I think you kinda want to try otherwise you would have run for the hills when he made it clear how he felt.

My instinct is go for it. You will always wonder what if....

How long has he been out of his previous relationship? Is he single single, or married, separated, divorcing?

What about you?

I went out with someone like that. I hadn't thought of him as a potential boyfriend as he wasn't physically attractive. He was quite overweight and not my type.

He seemed nice, fun, kind and devoted.

A few years down the line, i realised that he was a fat unattractive bigot and he was by then besotted by someone else.