1st date - met him, not sure

[Dandynot]

First date in person today. Met online, and we’ve chatted over a couple of weeks. All the big ticks (for me) are there - he has kids and is a good dad, a reasonable job that he seems to enjoy ((enough), solvent, runs a household so is competent etc. On meeting, I can see he’s also a kind person, was reasonably attractive (I didn’t get the ick which I can get on a first date if we don’t click).

But he talked about cricket a LOT (I’m not a particular fan, which he knows, but my son plays), he talked a LOT about his travel stories from years ago, and is very much a ‘country’ person, whereas I’m probably more of a city dweller. I suspect he might bore me a bit

But, he’s nice. And wants to meet up again. I think I’ve been OLD for so long, I can’t work out what I want. How do people know if they like someone, at this stage? I’ve genuinely lost touch with that part I think. Or perhaps I’m just lonely and willing myself to like him.

Go on another date and give it more time. Personally I’ve either had the zing from the first date or not. And the dates after I’ve had after the first non zinger haven’t amounted to anything. But I don’t regret going on a few more and seeing if anything developed.

Re the I’m not feeling it? Very straightforward even after 2 to 3 dates. A text/ voicenote/ quick phone call of ‘lovely to meet you, I’m just not feeling it’ is perfectly ok. It would be nice if more people could do that vs just disappearing/ ghosting.

Went on a date with a guy but wasn't sure. I had had some awful experiences so was probably being a bit too picky. And I didn't want to get hurt so I looked for faults

He asked to see me again and I let him down gently. He was so lovely about it

We carried on chatting and 10 days later I went on my second date with him and it was amazing
4 years later we are very happily married .

I think the amazing first dates can be a bit false and guys who love bomb or charm know how to make you think its amazing when they're just bullshitters.

Remember hes probably nervous

I suppose there's no harm in a second date but I think you already know you aren't into him. If you'd just met him that day, would you want to see him again? No. 'On paper' means sod all if there is no chemistry. Plus, it could all be total bullshit. 'A good dad' lol, you have no idea if he is a good dad or not, you can't take someone at their word for that!

In future, best not to spend weeks chatting before meeting them. Two or three conversations over the course of a week maximum.

First dates can be very awkward unless you have a lot in common, that’s for both sides, he probably gabbled on about cricket just to keep the conversation going.
On my second date I hijacked him with theatre tickets, because I didn’t want dinner with difficult conversation, that worked well and we walked home holding hands. In your situation I think the Country/City is going to be an issue you have to be happy with, not really a problem in middle England, further out it can be isolating.

Just catching up on all the replies, thank you.

It’s been very reassuring to read that it’s okay to bow out after the 2nd date. This should be obvious, I’d say this to all my friends if they were asking for advice, but I think I have this dread of getting embroiled in something I’m not keen on, then having to extricate myself /explain. Hearing all your very rational suggestions and how to politely decline if needed is very useful.

The town/country thing, well it’s not so much that it’s because he lives rurally but more about how that seems to shape our interests. I still very much like going to see music, comedy, live stuff, eat out when I can, have travelled a lot etc etc, whereas most of his ‘going out’ stuff seemed to have happened a long long time ago, and his social life now seems centred on the village pub and cricket. Nothing wrong with that of course, and I’m not saying my interests are ‘better’, just different. I suppose I think I might find his outlook a bit limited (for me) after a while.

My husband of 16 years banged on and on about cricket and walking on our first date! It was just nerves (though he does enjoy watching the cricket!) and he's perfect..😊