Feeling guilty

[Stars343]

I split from my children's dad 18 months ago. Due to covid. Me awaiting an operation so can't currently work and my exes dad dying from cancer we've not sold our house yet. I'm actually hoping I can take the house on if I can get back to work in a few months. The future is looking unclear at the moment.

9 months ago I started a new relationship. Its honestly been so lovely being close to someone again. I know it's not ideal but it happened and we love eachother and Di have a long term goal. But it won't happen overnight. I've not introduced my kids to him yet because I want to wait until we can sort out the house. So I spend half the weekend with my children. They are with their dad the other half. Then in the week I got out 2 or 3 nights and I'm back before they get up in the morning.

I feel worried I'm not spending enough time with them. But I feel like this is the best we can do right now. I couldn't stand being home with my ex constantly. But I feel selfish.

Am I?

I don’t understand what you feel selfish about. Where are the children or who are they with while you’re out?

So you mean you are officially still in the family home but stay elsewhere at your boyfriends at other times ?

My kids are with their dad when I'm out. Because we haven't sorted the house I live with the kids and my ex. I try and distance myself from my ex as much as I can without affecting the kids. I try go out as they are going to bed. The weekend they ofcpurse don't see me for half of it. This is only temporarily though until I can find a way to live away from my ex. But I feel so torn sometimes between my kids and my new partner. I know I could introduce him and they'd see more of me then. But I want to be so so sure he's long term before I do.

Your original OP was a little confusing as it wasn't clear your ex was still in the house! It sounds like you were leaving the children unsupervised. After your update though you have nothing to feel guilty about!

You shouldn't feel guilty. They are at home, safe, with their Dad. OK you're seeing less of them at week ends because you're with your bf, but once you are living separately from your ex there will be times when they are with him and you won't see them.

I also understand why you want to get away from ex as much as possible.

Is this guilt purely self-inflicted or is ex (or children) saying something that's making you question yourself?

I think its because I've always been with them. But I'm not ready to bring my kids into the relationship. So I try and divide my time. But I feel guilty when in sat at his relaxing and think I should be taking my kids out etc. But I guess this is our scenario now as I don't want to be with their dad anymore.

Oh gosh no they were never alone they are only 4 and 6.