AIBU? - effort for family

[pastaparadise]

Posting on here rather than AIBU as that board scares me! Just interested in different perspectives as me and dp can't agree.

We recently had my dsis and bil and kids come to visit. They live 3-4 hrs drive away and we see them maybe 4-5 x per year. Lovely people and great, considerate guests to have stay.

In the evening, kids in bed, bil brought out a new VR headset that my dsis had bought him for Christmas. I'm not into techy things but tried it and it was great as a novelty thing. They invited dp to try it and he declined 'not my thing, not interested'. I should have dropped it but couldn't quite believe he wouldn't even try it and I thought he'd like it.

I feel it's rude to not even show a passing interest in something someone has brought to show you, not even spend 2 mins trying it on. He feels I was rude to push him when he didn't want to.

The wider context is that I feel he doesn't put enough effort in with my family, but on this one incident if taken in isolation, aibu to think he was rude to guests?

From what you have said, yes it does sound rude and rather petulant of him to not try this thing on for two minutes.

What was he like for the rest of their visit?

He was better than he sometimes is, but overall just doesn't really try to the extent I feel he should. For example, getting up late (11am) when everyone else has been downstairs for ages, disappearing before mealtimes etc. My dsis and bil ended up doing loads of tidying, emptying dishwasher etc as he's nowhere to be seen whereas they pitch in. When they first arrived he carried on working on jobs in the garden rather than come in and say hello (we hadn't seen them for 4 months). I think he finds the noise of all the dc together quite annoying, and is better when they're in bed, but the overall feeling is that he doesn't really welcome guests.

I might be being sensitive as this is now a real bug beat of mine, but I wouldn't treat family or guests like this

I'm afraid I agree with you...not even coming into the house to greet people is pretty rude..and staying in bed is mean to you.

He is rude and I would hate this and this is pretty obnoxious behaviour especially if there is nothing particularly abhorrent re: your family.

It's SUCH a small thing to do.

Ps. If it was the oculus yes it is AMAZING

I don't think there's any reason why he should have to put something on his head if he doesn't want to. I tried one and it gave me a migraine. Claustrophobia also.

To be honest, I suspect he's not as happy as you are to have to host guests every few months. I would struggle with that frequency!

The signs are all there that he's not enjoying their company in the way you do - minimising the time he spends with them etc.

Or you could argue he is giving you more time alone with your sister by keeping out the way - perhaps he thinks he's doing you a favour?

And if he doesn't want to take part in something, there's no social or moral obligation on him to try a VR headset if he's not interested. It's not petulant to state a boundary politely. Ever.

Clearly a range of opinions. Fwiw, he doesn't necessarily see them that often, as sometimes I drive to see them with dc and he doesn't come. He doesn't really like them visiting, partly as we often argue after they've left about something like this, where I feel he's put no effort in and he thinks I expect too much.

The context is that he hardly ever sees his family, they never visit, so thinks me seeing dsis is too often. But they are my only family, they're really nice people, and dc love their cousins (I want them to be close as ultimately they're the only family they'll ever really have).
I would never be unwelcoming to any guests of his, but he hardly ever has any (last was a friend maybe 4 years ago). I just can't get over the feeling that he's unwelcoming to family that are dear to me. I do try to accept he's different and just plough on regardless, eg not push it if he doesn't get up, opts out of an activity etc, but this thing with the vr just got to me, it seemed such an easy thing to do.

He’s rude