Losing my mind

[somethingfunnyandcool]

I know I sound crazy. I am losing my mind. I've got a ebf 5 month baby and complex needs 6 year old.

Ever since baby was born I've done every night feed and up every morning, DP has never helped. I also wake up several times a night to older child who's needs are such he now sleeps in with me and DP sleeps in his bedroom alone. I also do all housework and laundry and food shopping, money management etc. DP cooks dinner. Aside from that I do everything else and I'm tired.

I am not a prude and this is not a porn/masturbation is good/bad debate, what people including DP get up to alone is their own business. But every morning it is clear from his laundry what he's been up to and it's about to tip me over the edge. We have a good sex life but it's putting me off as I don't feel good enough, and I also feel the rage as I'm struggling to sleep looking after 2 children knowing what's going on down the hall, like when I could do with some support he's having a bloody lovely time and good sleep.

I've tried talking about it, he tells me he fancies me etc and to be fair he always compliments me and says sexual things, comes on to me etc. but it's giving me a sickening feeling daily and almost (stupid as I know it sounds) feels like a betrayal or disrespect. I wish I didn't have to find the evidence every time I do the washing so to speak then I wouldn't know. He's a great man, I know I haven't maybe sold him much in this post but he really is, and I love him dearly. Please help 😞 why is this bothering me so much and how do I stop feeling this way? I don't want it to affect our relationship.

Start with telling him to do the washing as his wank socks make you heave

You've spoken to him about it and he hasn't listened. You are doing everything while he lazes about wanking in the knowledge it upsets you. I know it's easier said that done but I would split from him. Life is too short, you are worth so much more than this.

why is this bothering me so much and how do I stop feeling this way? I don't want it to affect our relationship.

It is affecting your relationship. Excuse my wording, but it sounds to me like he's rubbing your face in it, wanting you to clear up after him, when you're at your lowest. That's why it's bothering you

I've tried talking about it, he tells me he fancies me etc and to be fair he always compliments me and says sexual things, comes on to me etc

Ew. All physical stuff. Nothing about you as a person.

Ever since baby was born I've done every night feed and up every morning, DP has never helped. I also wake up several times a night to older child who's needs are such he now sleeps in with me and DP sleeps in his bedroom alone. I also do all housework and laundry and food shopping, money management etc. DP cooks dinner. Aside from that I do everything else and I'm tired.

He doesn't sound like a great man. Do you think if he pulled his weight you would mind as much about the wanking? Then again he probably wouldn't have as much time or energy to lie around doing that if he was shouldering his half of household and childcare tasks.

Repulsive, even more so if he’s doing it in your sons bedroom??? I would tell him to clean his dirty laundry himself.

Just reread and you're five months into ebf too. You must be bloody knackered and touched out.

Also, higher your standards. A man who does nothing but makes dinner is not a “great man” …

Ffs the bar is so low for men isn’t it.

OP he’s literally wanking away whilst you are exhausted dealing with two demanding children, then he’s throwing his dirty wank pants in the laundry for you to pick up and wash.

This is fucking repulsive and so disrespectful.

Wank all you like but surely it doesn’t get prioritised above helping your family? And surely a grown man can just use tissues or wipes and clean up his mess?

This is one of the worst things I’ve read on MN and there’s been some awful stuff over the years.

Absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation but there’s a time and a place and a fucking etiquette.

Honestly repulsive.

Thank you for all your replies. Im shocked tbh I thought they were going to be mainly telling me I'm the problem and need to mind my business. I know I wouldn't bother so much if I felt like he helped more, I'm on mat leave and he's working full time so I just get on with stuff.

Tell him he can wank til the cows come home AFTER he’s pulled his bloody weight around the house.

@somethingfunnyandcool

Thank you for all your replies. Im shocked tbh I thought they were going to be mainly telling me I'm the problem and need to mind my business. I know I wouldn't bother so much if I felt like he helped more, I'm on mat leave and he's working full time so I just get on with stuff.

Nooo! No you don't just have to get on with stuff! Being on maternity leave does not mean you become the family skivvy. Do that and he will expect it forever more. Did you do everything round the house before and after DC1? He works less than you, you just don't get paid for it. You are constantly 'on' every waking minute of the day. Do not let him think it's okay to do fuck all and you will cope with everything because it's bloody not.

And if he says everything you do about the house and for the kids is so easy then what's stopping him from doing it? Is it just that he can't be arsed or thinks it's beneath him? With or without children, the daily house chores would need doing and regardless of how much paid work he does he would still need to contribute to the running of the house. He should be embarrassed.

Stop doing his washing. Right now. Tell him he will be doing his own from now on. He is an adult man who can operate a machine.

I can't imagine the level of disrespect for a partner needed to let them clean up your cum stained....items. Horrific.

He is wanking in your sons bed?! Vile. Make him wash his own cummy socks and sheets.

As a PP said, 'let' him wank all he likes (in an appropriate place) after he has stepped up to support you and his DCand stopped treating you like his maid. You are worth more

He's not a good man, he's a lazy stain of a human being who would rather lie around wanking than help his exhausted partner care for his children. Id looking for an exit. And shared care of your 6 year old.

He wanks in his son's bed and then expects you to clean up the resulting cum stains left on his own clothing?

Jesus Christ that's grim.

He sounds awful. Complete disdain and lazy contempt for you.

Minus the masterbating and husband cooking dinner I can totally relate. EBF 8 week old and a demanding toddler. I do all the house chores and dinner. He just financially provides. I feel like I'm going crazy. He just doesn't want to do anything and everything I do is a 'given'! I'm a mother/housewife it's my job. I'm literally non stop so any help I ask for is for the jobs I literally can't do. Any decent human being can see im suffering and i need the help let alone a supposedly loving husband! He will only help if I literally scream and shout about it and force him to. I just cant live like this. Have no idea what to advice you or myself. If we stop doing the chores. The house won't be liveable for the kids. I won't be able to manage in the mess either cos he still won't do it. If I leave him I lose. I couldn't cope without the by force help I get from him like wash dishes or hold the baby whilst I shower or cook dinner. Basically f*ed

Disgusting, even my teenage sons use tissues!