Abusive ex

[Feellimp]

After years of giving chance after chance, I've finally found the strength or at least lost the will to stay in my relationship. Its like I feel nothing anymore and a period of forced separation for six weeks has let me break the cycle.

My now ex has been abusive emotionally and physically at times for years now. I never reported the abuse (although I have photos of texts admitting and promising to change, and photos of scars and bruises etc)I stupidly thought things would get better, and he went to a men's group for help, as part of his making me feel like he was trying, but nothing has changed, and to be honest, I knew deep down I would never really feel fully safe again.

Now that I feel solid in myself and have told some things to my sister who is letting me live with her and her family, my main worry is this, we have a two year old son together who is an absolute joy. He doesn't seem to miss my ex much and has actually blossomed since we have moved in with my sister. I know my ex says he loves our son, but he never made much of an effort with him anyway and is a workaholic. I'm just wondering what to do now, if he asks to see my son? He hasn't got anywhere steady to live and I can't have him arrive on my sisters doorstep and expect to have time alone with my son here. My ex doesn't really like being outside either, so I'm wondering what to do if he asks to see him. I deep down thing it would fizzle out anyway as he has a couple of other kids who are young teens who he doesn't really see and when he realises there is no going back to me, he may just give up, but I don't really want my little boy to have to go through heartache.

I'm wondering if he rings me, should I tell him I have proof of the abusive behavior and that if he wants to go further legally, that is his perogative, but I will have to give the texts and photos as proof and see what is recommended.

I should have said, to date he has not offered any financial support since my boy was born either.

Sorry for the rambling post. I have posted previously about baby stuff before but have set up this profile seperately. Thanks

There are going to be tough times ahead. I would try and draft up a formal agreement for maintenance and access and if (when) he kicks off, DO go to the police to report it because if you don't report his intimidation of you/manipulation of you then later when he's branding you as bitter/mad/unfit in court, there'll be no record of the abuse.

I did everything wrong. I'm not trying to scare you. But if I could do it all again, I'd report some of his worst behaviour, especially the intimidation and manipulation that took place after I'd left him

If he calls you, ask him if he's rung to talk about maintenance and access? HOPEFULLY he'll disappear in to the ether.

Thanks for replying,

That's what ai was thinking, if he tries to ask to see him, which I really know will just be to try to worm his way back in, I will ask him has he a plan for maintenance and what he expects access wise, and is he planning on trying to make something legal, then I will mention that I have proof of abuse that will need to be discussed if things go legal and that he would need to have a place to bring our baby anyway, even if things were OK. As you said, hopefully he will disappear then...