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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Close family member and Howard Hughes syndrome

5 replies

Ambushedbycakeinmydreams · 29/01/2022 11:52

Any armchair psychologists out there?

A very close family member has become worrying more reclusive since Covid and is very reluctant to engage with anyone at all. Her husband spends most of the time abroad and we as family are close by but she puts up resistance to any ideas of meeting up (we are all jabbed and boosted etc). We know she is becoming very isolated but she doesn't seem to care.

The other thing is how she chooses to live (reported back from a family member who did manage to pin her down for a visit). She lives mainly in the smallest room in the house which is the only one heated (says not economical to use the central heating); the house is dirty with old furniture and a barely working oven (nothing gets thrown away but she is reluctant to repair or replace items). She also shuns the internet. The thing is she is wealthy beyond belief, with considerable capital assets and income (the income is piling up in her bank accounts as we know she seldom spends it).

She seems content to lead the lifestyle of a really poor, hard-up person, and for the life of me I can't think why. There are lots of poor people out there at the moment, relying on foodbanks, handouts and having to choose between eating and heating - but why on earth would you embrace this existance when you are a multi-millionaire?

We have gently tried to talk to her about it but she's made it clear any such discussions are off-limits and has no interest in opening up. Absolutely her choice of course. But why? What makes someone like this? It's also very distressing and we are quite worried for her mental wellbeing.

OP posts:
Ambushedbycakeinmydreams · 29/01/2022 13:06

Anyone?

OP posts:
layladomino · 29/01/2022 13:51

I think you've answered your question within your post Op. This appears to be a mental health issue. Do you think they are safe and able to look after themselves? If not then I would suggest talking to Social Services.

Otherwise I think the only thing you can do is to let them know you're there, and that you'd love to see them / chat to them. Try to keep lines of communication open. They may eventually confide in someone. And at least if there is still some sort of contact one of you would hopefully notice if things got so bad that SS needed to be involved.

It's so hard isn't it. I feel for you.

Ambushedbycakeinmydreams · 29/01/2022 17:56

Thanks @layladomino

I think you're right. The lines of communication remain open which is good, but this dear person is incredibly private, stiff upper-lipped and rather old fashioned. So I think the chances of them confiding in any of us is zero. I just wish I could understand why someone would be so mean with themselves (she lives in such squalor and as if she is very, very hard up).

OP posts:
SocialConnection · 29/01/2022 23:43

What's the situation with her husband? Had he abandoned her? She may be in shock and dealing with that grief. Is it possible to have a sensible conversation with him?

Closetbeanmuncher · 30/01/2022 00:19

Self neglect, sounds like depression.

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